Semester break!

             Hey guys! By looking at the title, you guys should know that what this post is about! Yes! Every students' favourite! Semester break!!!

            First of all, I'd like to thank God for the safe trip back to Penang. I've been missing my beloved family and friends and EVERYTHING in Penang a lot when I was in UPM. I know it's crazy but I actually thought that I might lose them. Now I'm home comfortably with them and I'm so glad!

         They say you have to lose something to appreciate it which I totally agree. Before I left this home, I didn't know this home was so comfortable and didn't appreciate my home until I live in UPM.

         Does time fly? Yes, it does! It's semester break already. When I was studying, I was like "Can't the holiday come already? Why am I still here?" But, weeks after weeks, then I realised I'm coming back already! It feels great!

        I have this semester break until 2nd of January. But I have to go for a camp named KEJARI organised by my hostel on 20th until 23rd of December. I pray that I will have a safe trip and be able to come back to celebrate Christmas! :)

        This holiday is very long! I have to make full use of it! There is so many things that I want to do. Anyway, dear beloved family and friends, please ask me out to catch up with you! I can't wait to hang out with all my family and friends!

       During this first semester, I've learned a lot of things and I'm so glad of that. I am not regret to make my choice to study far away from home. Although I missed home a lot and cried about it a few times, but this is a good experience for me that I don't learn in textbook.

         University, in Chinese (大学), I totally agree with it. We LEARN BIG there. Hahaha. We learn a lot of things there. Not only academics, but also soft skills and how to be independent. I've met a lot of new friends and nice people which I'm so glad. I've learn how to communicate with people and do a groupwork with people. And I'm on the process on learning how to lead people and give a speech on stage. I've learned how to survive without my family with me.

         When I wake up everyday, there is no lunch on the table.
         When I want to wash my clothes, the washing machine is not 10 steps away from me, but I have to walk to another block to wash my clothes.
         When I want to eat home cook or nice hawker food, I can go to sleep and try to dream that I am eating it, cause it's totally not available in UPM.
         When I want to go to some place, or just to photocopy a few piece of papers, I need to wait for the bus to go and back, which takes my time around 2 hours for something that can be done in 15 minutes if I have a car there.
        When I want to enjoy a long showering from a hot and tiring day, there is no water heater and the bathroom is very old,small,dirty and smelly.
        When I want to do facial and have a haircut, I couldn't as there is too expensive.

           All of these sound terrible, I thought it was the end of my life already. I used to complain a lot. But thank God, I've learned the most valuable lesson, that is I've been blessed everyday. The environment is not as good as home, but at least I was still alive every single day and I could survived. At least I have a few amazing gifts from God, which is my new friends in the University and FCC Chuch and Sharegroup, and my family who cares and concerns about me. A few calls from friends and family from hometown from day to day makes me so happy and touched. I may have lost some comfortable time at home, but I've gained knowledge and experience and gifts. Sometimes when we are just too comfortable, we tend to forget how lucky we are. I realised that the life there is not bad, because in some part around the world, there are people suffering, dying from hunger and illness, or natural disaster, or some crimes committed on them.

           Some people used to ask me "Why you choose UPM? So far away! Choose UUM lah! It's near to Penang la! You can come back every weekend you want! No need to suffer there so long lor!"

         At first I thought they were right, but now I do not think so. I have no regrets at all. I might not learn what I've learned today if I was not studying in UPM. So next time I will send my kids far away from home when they are 20 years old. Lol.

         In conclusion, I'd like to say/sing,

        Light of the world,

        You stepped down into darkness,

        Open my eyes let me see~

        You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy,

        Altogether wonderful to me.

        Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades,

        Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

        Call upon the Name of the Lord and be saved~

        Thank you God for every single thing and wake me up to the reality through the dream.

        And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise from the inside out of my soul cries out!!!

        

A gift from God

           2nd of October, I followed a friend of mine named Paul Tan to church. If you ask me "Why you go to church? You are a Christian meh?"  Okay, no, I'm not a Christian. I went to church because I wanted to have a look. I wanted to see what they do. Not that I don't know. I went to church before,but still I want to go. I didn't really know why I go, I just went.

          Honestly, that night after going to church, I felt that I'm a bad person. I don't know why. I just feel that I'm not a good person like the people in the church. I felt so left out. I cannot feel what they feel. The people are so nice and friendly. I feel I'm a bad person compared to them. The week after that I didn't go as I went to Sunway Pyramid. And another week after that I didn't go cause my friends visited me. And the week after that I didn't go again for I-don't-know-what-reason. 

          But since that message in the dream, if you guys read my previous post, you will know what dream. I have a feeling that I need to do something. I need to thank God for every single day and every single thing that I have. I've been blessed with such amazing things all this while and I didn't know it. How ignorant was I. After 27 days, 29th of October I went to a sharegroup with Paul. I met a lot of new people. 30th of October I went to church again. From then, I join them to church and sharegroup.


          If now you ask me "Why you go to church? You are a Christian meh?" the first part of the answer is still the name, No, sorry I'm not a Christian, but now I go to church not because I want to look around what people do there, because I want to thank God for what I have! I feel so bad that I was so ignorant all this while. I've got all the nice thing and yet I didn't realised and kept complaining. Thank God I realised my mistake. I go to church to thank and worship God. I go to church to pray for myself,my family and friends and all the people who are suffering in the world. I pray for peace. That's the reason.

         I mix with the sharegroup friends who called themselves as "Pilaks". I know a lot of nice and caring people there. We have the leader named Richard Lam and one of the drivers who always fetch us, his name is Chew. They all are really nice people and like a wonderful family. They welcomed me and treat me very nice. I feel so touched and thankful to be part of them. They are so caring and friendly.

        One of the person that I most admire is Chew. He makes big sacrifice to fetch us to church. Every Saturdays, to fetch us from church, he drives his car all the way from his university which is UNITEN to the church which is located in Sunway to get the van from church, which is 30 minutes distance, and come back to UPM,UKM, UCSI and other places as well to fetch the students to the church, which is another 30 minutes distance, and fetch us back, which is another 30 minutes distance and go to the church to get his car and go back to his university which is another 30 minutes distance. By the time he got back,it's late at night already. He pays the petrol and tol fees himself. He never allow us to pay. I feel so touched of his sacrifice. He said he did this for God.

          Since I came to UPM, I felt lonely sometimes. I felt that my life here was miserable here at first. I kept complaining about everything. But since that dream and since I met them, I feel life is so wonderful. I am so happy that I'm part of them. They are such happy people. They organise activity every week and I've been joining them for 2 weeks. I hope I can join them more but I'm going back to Penang this Thursday. I look forward to meet them next semester. They are such nice and caring people.

          I accept this as a wonderful gift from God. Though I am lonely sometimes cause I miss my family in Penang, but it's great that I meet such caring people. Thank God for this wonderful gift.

         Somehow there is something I feel I'm imperfect compared to them. I can't do it yet. I do not know about the future. I need some time. Please give me some time. I still need to do some survey and get some results.


Once again, thank you God for every single thing.

Do you believe in fate?

          Dear friends, tonight, I'm going to talk about FATE. Yes, fate. In other word, destiny.

          Do you guys believe in fate? Have you met anything or anyone that you think it's fate?

          I've never thought about fate, until a few incidents happen to me. Now, I do believe in fate.

          First of all, the Christian society members in my university organised this event. It's called "Evangelical Music Concert". I didn't know about this at all until one day, I was in the bus. I realised that was a piece of paper in front of the seat. Well, I was busybody enough to take the paper to read it. It was the flyer of Evangelical Music Concert. That was how I know about it. Nobody told me. Nobody gave me the flyer. Was it fate for me to go?

       Okay, moving on. After I went to the concert. There was a talk. The guy talked about "Love". He was good. It was a great talk. He has a good sense of humour and he made funny jokes and what he said is true and meaningful.

        "When someone is dying, he hoped to see his loved ones beside him for the last time. Imagine an old man is dying, sure his friends and family are beside him. Have you ever seen someone dying and he says "Please show me my UPM certificate...." or "Can I see my bank account statement?" or "On the computer, I wanna see how many Facebook friends that I have."

        "We Chinese people tend to be very SHY. When you go back to your hometown, does your father come to you and hug you and tell you how much he misses you and loves you? No. But this doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. He expresses his love by asking your mom to cook more delicious food for you."

         It was very funny. But yet it is true. This is what we do now. This is our priority. Money, studies, social networking.... That is what I do too. And we are way to shy to express our love to the person we love. I admit that. I don't tell my parents I love them. I'm too shy t tell them. But if I were to die in 5 seconds, this will be the biggest thing I feel regretted.

         I have a feeling that there is a message to be sent to me. If you read my previous post, you would know about my dream. The what-are-you-going to-do-if-you-have-5-seconds-left post. Why did I have that dream? After I have that dream, I feel there is a message in the dream. Was I thinking too much? Even if I was, but what about this talk that I went? It was such a coincident on how I get to know about this concert. It happens that I was in that bus, that particular seat, and it happens that I took the paper to read the flyer. And the content of the talk that the guy delivered is quite the same as my dream. Okay, maybe I am thinking too much, but don't you guys think this is fate? Is there a message?

         Second case, haha. If you guys read my previous post, I have this Vision 2013. One of it is to be able to present well. It's my biggest fear to talk or give a speech in front of strangers. Especially hundreds of them. I know I need to overcome it. Guess what? I was voted as the president of a coming event, called "Malam Gong Xi". It's a big event for Chinese New Year Celebration in my hostel. Well, being a president, I need to prepare a proposal letter for this event and stuffs. I'm okay with that. Plus, I need to communicate with the people in the office. It's not as simple as you think. The people there are not simple. I do not want to elaborate on that here. I might get caught. Also, my biggest fear, I need to give a speech on that night in front of hundreds of students and VIPs. At least, thank God the event is next year, I get to start preparing now. Hahahha. Seriously, I will be nervous to talk in front of so many strangers.

        During the meeting, when the seniors were asking who is interested to be the president or anyone thinks that their friends can be the president? Nobody wanted to be the president. But someone said my name. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this. I know it will be kinda stressful, and the speech-giving part is kinda freaking me out. When they were counting votes, I prayed to God "Dear God, I don't know if I can do this. Yes, I want to improve my presenting skill, and I know this is a great opportunity. But I'm not sure if I can do it well. I leave it to You. If You think I should be, I will get it.If you think I don't, then I won't get it"

         After that, the secretary says "Okay, Sherri is the president." I was shocked. Is this fate? Of all people, why me? Why did I get it? I think it's fate to give me a chance to improve myself. I will do my best and overcome my greatest fear with the help of God. In the same time, I am very touched that all my beloved friends voted for me. I never thought that I will become the president. It's an honoured. I'm so touched that they support me. I don't know what did I do to deserve this, but yeah, thanks everybody. I will do my best as it is fate for me to overcome my fear.

         Okay, the third case. I have this friend, she is not my course mate, she is not my roommate. She is lived in the same hostel with me. That's all. But I do not know why, our relationship is very good. In fact, I have better relationship with her than my coursemates or roommate. I still remember the first day we chat. She asked me what is my name and what course I'm taking. From that day until now, though it's not long but we are so close. All our friends thought we are taking the same course or living in the same room, but no, we are not. She is my assistant when I'm in the protocol unit, and now she is also my assistant in this Malam Gong Xi. Is this fate? I think this definitely is. Sometimes we don't get close to people even though they are physically close to us, like living in the same room or studying the same course. But if we have fate, we don't need to be in the same room or same course to get close with each other. I'm so glad to have her as my friend and assistant as she is a very caring person. We can work well together.

        In conclusion, I believe there is something connect between us. That is fate. Things happen for some reasons. There are messages that God wants to send to us. We can't receive it the message in SMS or MSN. It needs some incident and fate to make us receive the message. Sometimes God send someone to us. It needs some incident and fate to make me meet that someone too. Sometimes something is just meant to be. I will appreciate everything that I have received in fate. 

       I'd like to thank God for everything I have. Thank you Lord.

Pesta Tanglung KTP 2010

           I've never got involved in any event before. I've never organised event before. Even family event, like a trip to Genting Highlands or Cameron Highlands, a BBQ party, I always attend and never organised. Hahaha. How selfish am I.

         When I'm here in UPM, I got involved with this Pesta Tanglung for my hostel, KTP. I'm the protocol leader. My beloved friends voted for me. At first, I didn't know what is "protocol". Is it a kind of ingredients that you add to your food to make it tasty? According to www.dictionary.reference.com, protocol means "the customs and regulations dealing with diplomatic formality, precedence, and etiquette." But in an event, protocol is the people in charge of everything. According to my seniors, protocol has to make sure everything goes well in the event. The carnival, the technical, the programs and performance,the crowds and everything. If any sudden changes, the protocol has to inform everyone. The protocol has to make decisions when any problems occur. This sounds like a very important role to me. It's too important that I felt stressed out. I've never involved in organising any event before, and all of a sudden I'm the protocol leader now? Am I dreaming? Lol.

         2 months before the Pesta Tanglung, we've already started meetings and stuffs. We have everything planned. I was feeling okay till the 2 days before the Pesta Tanglung. We had a few rehearsals. That time, I realised it was not an easy task. During reheasal, we need everybody that got involved to come. Somehow there are people who couldn't make it. This makes the rehearsal got delayed, make it late, or make it not success. We couldn't make a real rehearsal without the participation of everybody. The day before the Pesta Tanglung, we had our rehearsal till quite late at night,12 something I think. After that, the decoration department hasn't finish decorating yet. I helped them a little bit and get some advises from the seniors. I asked them how to play my part well and so on. It was 3 am when a few of us back to our rooms. I couldn't bathe as I always bathe at my friend's block, my shampoos and stuff is in her room. 3am, she was sleeping already. So that night I just slept on the floor as I was dirty. 9am, I received a call from a senior. She asked me to get the walkie-talkie. I was up by then. I had a meeting with my protocol assistant. 12pm, we went to the hall and get prepared. We had rehearsal again. I wanted to make sure everything is okay. Although this is my first time to get involved, I don't want it to fail.

         My seniors said I'm the person to refer to during the event. Everyone has to ask me if any problems. I felt important and a bit stressed. Somehow, I did my best. I'm afraid to speak in front of people, but my seniors say I need to use the microphone and talk to them,giving instructions and so on. I did. But I didn't speak well. I still need to learn. I'm not strong enough. I still need to learn. I had to brief the headmistress of the hostel when she arrived. I had to communicate with everyone in the hall and ask them to get ready to welcome the headmistress. Everything has to be on time. The music has to be played and MC has to announced headmistress' arrival at the same time. I need to tell them when is the exact time. It cannot go wrong.

       The whole event went well. All of the group members did well. Although there were a bit problems, but there were just minor problems. For the first time organising this event,although it's just a hostel event, I think it was quite successful. Thanks to all the beloved group leaders and members. I feel very happy. I think all the sacrifice is worth it. I mean skipping class and sleeping late and sleeping on the floor. Hahaha.

      Come to think of it, last time I slept late because I hang out with my friends, do some nonsense stuff and play till late of the night. I'm not saying hanging with my friends is not good. I enjoy that. I miss my friends anyway. And everybody needs entertainment. I think we need to play. Entertainment is a part of life. But, doing this event, I get to learn new stuff. It's a very good and different experience with what I did. 

Before the event

 The program members

 My dear assistant

 Pesta Tanglung 2010!

 My beloved Protocol members

 The decoration leader

 My members

Beautiful Chang Er decorated by the decoration department

        Conclusion, I'd like to thank all my beloved friends,group leaders and members for their commitment. Thanks to my beloved seniors for the help and kind advises too. Special thanks to my assistant Yit Fung. She is a very helpful girl. She's too helpful that I feel that I'm spoiled. Hahaha. This event will not succeed or even happen without everyone. And I'm sorry if I've offended anyone of you when I talk to you or giving instructions or asking questions. Maybe I was rude and I didn't realised. If anyone of you feel offended, I'm sorry. And if anyone has any comment to tell me, please tell me so that I can improve. Thank you! :)  

What if....?

         I know I've been updating my blog a lot lately. I'm not sure it's because I have nothing to do or it's because I have a lot in my mind. I think it's because of both.

         I'd like to talk about something and ask you guys a question.

         So yesterday afternoon, I was having a headache. I don't know why. So I took a nap. I had a dream. It was a nightmare.

        I dreamed that my friend's cousin, he fetched us to a shopping mall. So there were 2 friend of mine,him as the driver and me. He was driving like crazy and speeding. I was quite afraid. Somehow, we reached the shopping mall, we were looking for a parking lot in the car park. But it was a very weird car park. It's a very dangerous place which I cannot describe to you without showing it with my hands,lol, so cut the story short, we had an accident. It was very horrible, the whole car was like falling down from floors to floors, and this freaking dream was very real. I thought it was real, cause it really seems to be. I was very afraid, I thought I was going to die, I knew my life was going to end in like 5 seconds, I was crying. I prayed to God, I said "Please God, please save me, I really don't want to die yet, I haven't seen my parents for a long time already, I want to tell them I love them." I really was crying and praying so hard. It was a horrible dream.

        And all of a sudden, the whole car stopped, and we were all okay, the car just got crashed a little bit. That's all, all of us were very afraid except for my friend's cousin. He said "Fnally, we found a parking lot, let's go." and he opened the door and got out. Everything seemed to be normal already. But the accident did happen. When I got out from the car, I was thinking "I really need to run away from this gang of people, they all are crazy especially the crazy driver." and then I woke up. I realised that it was all a dream.

       My point of this post is not to tell you about this dream or I am weird to have this dream. I know this is a crazy dream. But, the point is, have you ever thought of what are you going to do if you have 5 seconds left in your life? Don't get me wrong, I'm not cursing anyone of you. Seriously, I have never thought about that until I was having this dream. And honestly, I don't want to die yet. It was so scary,I admit that I'm afraid of death, also yes, I admit, when I have a serious problem like I'm going to die, then only I pray to God. I know I am selfish and bad. It's like a student who always skip classes and run to the lecturer on the day before the test. If I have this short time to live, what am I going to do? What if the dream is real? It's like 5 seconds only, I don't even have enough time to think of what can I do. I don't even have enough time to call my parents. This might happen, I mean, what if I just write this blog and die all of a sudden? Or I couldn't even finish writing it. It's not an impossible thing. We can predict but we can't control what is going to happen. For example, we can predict or plan that next Saturday I want to go out with my friends, but anything might happen to make the plan fail.

        I still have a lot of things that I have not achieve yet. One of the most important thing is like what I said in the dream, my parents. I really miss them a lot. Since I'm not staying at home anymore, I realised how much I miss them. One of the main reasons I'm feeling home sick is because of them. I really miss the time they are around me. I never know I love them so much until I'm away from them. In fact, I really miss them now. I seriously want to go back to Penang yesterday, but no one could go back with me. I didn't want to take the risk to go back alone.

        What if my life has just 5 seconds left? What must I do? Do I have anything to regret? The answer is yes. I must let my parents know I love them.That is one of the most important thing. Still I have other things more. I didn't realised that until I dreamed of that dream. Is that the message that the dream wants to send to me? That feeling was terrible, when you haven't got the chance to do something that is really important and you are going to leave this place forever and you don't get to do it.

        I know this is impossible, but I really hope that I close my eyes to sleep and I wake up, I'm already home. So,the conclusion is, Thank you God, I might get this wrong, but I know what am I supposed to do now so that if in case anything happen, I live with no regrets. I get the lesson from this dream.

         So dearly beloved friends, I really don't mean to curse anyone, but have you all thought, if all of a sudden, some accident happen like my dream, that you don't even have enough time to think of what are you supposed to do, do you have any regrets? How is your life so far? If you are about to be gone, have you done what are you supposed to do? Anything important do you wanna do? Or anything to achieve? Anything to tell anyone? Any misunderstanding between you and your friends or family members that you haven't get it settled? I'm not asking you what you regret in your life,not like "I regret that I didn't study hard enough to get straight A's during my SPM" No. These kind of regrets are useless because we couldn't turn back time. But we couldn't set our own time either. It is set for us. If it is set for us in 5 seconds or 5 minutes, what would you do? What are the things that will make you regret IF you don't do it now and you don't get to do it when you have 5 seconds left If you haven't do anything that is very important for you to do, please do it. Because we don't know what is going to happen.

        I know some of you might be thinking "Sherri has gone crazy!" or "What nonsense are you talking?" or " You studying in UPM until you crazy liao izzit?" or "What a ridiculous post! You wasted my 5 mins to read it!! GIVE ME BACK MY 5 MINS of my LIFE!!!" I'm sorry I can't. This is what I'm thinking right now. And I just want to share it. I hope dear friends get my point. Take care and do whatever you want to do it so that you won't feel any regret.

1 Family

              Dear friends, I just came back from a meeting, and I got this "fantastic" news. How do I feel right now? I know the last post I said I want to be an optimistic person. I don't want to be mad for nothing anymore. But I'm sorry, I really do feel mad right now. I'm trying to relax though. In the meantime, I would like to share with you guys about this "fantastic" news but in a simple story way. I'm gonna use symbols and allegory like I learned in English Literature. Hahahaha....

              This story is about a so called loving family, it's called "1 Family". Many relatives and friends of this family thought that this is a loving family and they admire this family.

             So there's this woman, her name is Jane. She has a husband named Ben, a daughter named Carmen and a son named Manson. Jane loves Manson very much. 

             Carmen loves music and Manson loves playing football. Jane would buy 20 footballs for Manson, as if Manson has 20 legs, and she would build a football stadium for Manson so that Manson could invite all his friends to play with him and show off to them. Jane loves Manson very much. Anything that Manson needs, Jane will give him everything. She even sends Manson to watch football match for World Cup 2010. As you can see, she would give him everything he wants no matter how much his dreams cost. Well, they are a rich family.

           Jane tells everyone she loves her children very much and treat them fairly and equally. Like I said, it's 1 family :)

           One day, there's this famous singer named Avril Lavigne is coming to Malaysia to have a concert. Avril Lavigne has been Carmen's biggest idol since a long time ago. Avril is the reason why Carmen likes music. Somehow, Carmen needs her parents' APPROVAL and MONEY to buy ticket to go for the concert. Carmen told her father that she would like to go to her concert. Her father, Ben, is a very busy business man. It's quite difficult for Carmen to see her father as he works early morning till late at night. By the time he's home, Carmen is sleeping already.

          One afternoon, Carmen managed to see his father home, and she was happy. She told her father about Avril's concert.

         "It's okay, but I'm busy dear,go talk to your mother about it. I have to go for a meeting now." said his father. Then her father went out again.

         Carmen, happily assuming that her father APPROVE or should I say allow to let her go to the concert. The next day, she went to her mum.

          "Mummy mummy, Avril is coming to town! I'd like to go to her concert. You know how much I love her. Daddy allows me to go already! The concert is on next Tuesday!"

         Her mum was cooking and didn't even bother to look at her while she replies,

         "Is that so? Daddy didn't told me anything about it. And a concert ticket is very expensive. Who is going to pay for the ticket? And next Tuesday? Are you kidding me? Today is Wednesday, and you're telling me this now? You don't respect me as your mother anymore,do you? Seriously, I don't understand why I have such a daughter! Don't you have anything better to do than going to a concert? No, the answer is NO, you are not going for the concert, because YOU have NO MONEY. No one is SPONSORING you to go to the concert."

         Carmen, feeling disappointed and wanted to cry, ran to her room. She swears that when she gets older, she will be stronger, and do her best to show to her mother that she will be successful.

         Why her mother loves Manson so much and hate Carmen? Only one simple reason, because Manson is a boy and Carmen is a girl. That is why. No further reason. Not that because Carmen is a lazy girl or a bad girl. No. Carmen is hated by her mother just because she is a girl. They are both Jane's children, but they are treated the different way. This is the so called 1 Family.

         So this is the story that I'd like to share. It's a very simple story which shows an unfair mother who treats her children differently.

         I hope you guys can apply and understand it. That's all I wanna share for tonight. Good night.

Few things to do/achieve while I'm in UPM

         Hey guys, so everytime if you see I create a new post in my blog, it means that I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night. So now I'm gonna talk about the few things that I have to achieve. In our country we have this 2020 Vision. So am I. This is my 2013 Vision. Hahahaha...

        So I have 3 years time living in UPM. It's not a long time nor a short time. 3 years is long enough for a baby to learn how to talk and walk, but it's not long enough to grow a rambutan tree to eat it's fruit.

        Anyway, there are few things that I want to achieve in these 3 years. I want all of these to be achieved before I graduated from UPM.

       1) Be able to present well
        Today, or I mean yesterday, was the first time in my life to make a presentation in UPM. I'm sorry to say but I was very nervous. I wanted to present well. I want to give an excellent speech. I want everyone to be interested in what I say. But, I was very nervous till my hands were shaking and my heart was beating so fast. I'm very mad that why couldn't I do it well? I've done presentations before in high schools and form6, I even teach in front of kids before. It all went well. But why am I doing so much worse than what I did last time? I know it's because of the environment. I have different group of people that I don't know them at all. But still I want to be a good presenter. I want to learn how to present well.

     2) Be a wise consumer
     This might sound a little bit funny, but seriously, since I come to KL, I couldn't help myself from spending. I've spent a lot! I've bought a lot of things. I'm like a shopaholic already! :( From now on, I must control myself. I want to be a wise consumer. I must buy the things that I really need only. And yes! I have to compare the prices to see from where I could get a cheaper rate. I don't want to spend a lot anymore. I want to save money! Say NO to spending on unnecessary items! Be a wise consumer! :P

      3) Improve my English
      So last Friday I went to a debate competition to support a friend of mine. And the contestants all were very great! Their English was very fluent and they could present well! They were not nervous, they could have eye contact with the judge, they were loud enough, they were so confident and they were GREAT! Wow! I wonder when could I be like them? But, I just want to improve my English. I want to be able to write good stuff, I want to speak good English and could communicate well in English! :)

     4) Be able to cook well
     Alright, I have to learn how to cook. I mean, cook more than instant noodles and fried eggs or mushroom soup please >.< Yes, everyone can cook. I mean, who can't cook? I can cook. But the food that I cook can be edible or not, that's a different story. Hahaha. I want to learn how to cook, and thank God, I have this friend who could cook really well. So, when I'm in UPM, I will learn how to cook from her, and when I'm back to Penang, I will learn how to cook from my mum.

      5) Lose weight

      Haha. This has been my dream like since FOREVER!!! I've been wanting to lose weight since long time ago. But everytime ended up fail :( So after 3 years, I must lose weight! I want to be slim! I must start practising now! Well, I mean lose weight in a healthy way of course. At least I want to lose this tummy of mine, and other parts too...

      6) Be an optimistic person
      I'm a pessimistic person sometimes. I tend to think that "I cannot make it", "OMG HOW!! I'm going to DIE!!!!" From now on, no more the word "die"! According http://dictionary.reference.com/  the word die means, to cease to live; undergo the complete and permanent cessation of all vital functions; become dead. So the word 'die' means to be dead, no longer alive. I happen to realise that there are thousands of people dying or suffering each day. Die of hunger, got murdered or accidents. And would I want to compare my "dying" situation with them? No. Whatever happens, I should feel thankful. I don't want to be like "Shit, exam on this Friday! How? DIE!" Come on, exams can kill me? Hahahhaa..... What I mean is, I must be thankful though the situation is not good enough. I know I always complain this and that, here and there, left and right, black and white, so please, no more "die". Perhaps the word 'cham' or 'aiyo' to replace the word "die"? Hahaha. If I cannot do well in something, figure out how to make it well. If the weather is very hot, apply sun block and wear sun glasses. If it rains, then don't do my laundry, and go to sleep to enjoy free "air-con". If lecturer gives a pop quiz and I didn't study, then just screw it, what's the worse could happen? :D And the most important of all, if the food sucks, be thankful that at least I have food to eat, and eat less so that it helps me to be slim. So it's like a win-win situation. Hahhahaha... I still need some time to be able to practise that =)

        So far, these are the 6 simple things that I'd like to achieve. If I have anything more, I will update it :) I hope I can achieve it. What do I mean "I hope"? I mean, I MUST achieve it!!! So dear friends, please be my witness, make sure I've achieved all this when I graduate! :)

It's time to change skin....

           I'm back in UPM for one week already. I realised I've used a bundle of toilet roll in just one week! My flu is with me for one month already! I wonder when do you want to leave me? Because of you I've wasted so much tissues. You make me a non environmental friendly person! How could you! So I've decided that I will go to the clinic tomorrow. I'm sorry Flu, but I just hate you. I want to get rid of you.

         Anyway, the reason I'm writing this blog is not because I want to talk about flu. I want to talk about myself. Yes, myself, I'm a self-centered person. Hahaaha, just kidding. Okay. It's time to change skin? What kind of title is that? Hahaha. Okay, what I mean is, my old skin which is the old me is dead. I got hurt and crazy until the old me died. I killed my old self. So, now my new skin is the new me.

          I've been wasting a lot of time for the past few days. Wasting a lot of time online, wasting time waiting, wasting time thinking and confusing. I'm sick and tired of me being like this. It's like I have no life at all. That was how I killed my old me.

        So now, for the sake of my health and my hair and my face, I don't want to think so much anymore. (Think so much that I become not healthy, that my hair become grey and my face wrinkled lol)

        Seriously, I've thought of giving up. Because I did not know what to do. I kept thinking that "I'm not good enough, I do not deserve it" Well, I still think so now. But let me give myself a break instead of thinking all this and wasting my time doing all that.

       From now on, I want to be a better person and enjoy my life in my University. They say University life is the best time of your life. But I couldn't feel that now. Why!!!!??? So now it's time to explore instead of suffering in depression. ^^

        So, I have to think positively and take thing easily. Honestly, I don't know what should I do. But whatever worst happens, it's not the end of the world yet right? Yeah, that's it!!! I will leave everything to fate!

          I am not good enough, but still I will continue to be who I am or what I'm comfortable to be like. I will not change myself for someone else unless that someone really worth it, or I will change for the sake of myself. If that person doesn't give a damn about me, then fine. I'm not gonna act like I'm a really nice girl and hope that someone will notice me all of a sudden and come to me. In other words, I don't want to live in a dream.

        But still, deep inside my heart asks my brain "How long will I be waiting?"

        My brain says "I don't know, heart."

        Heart "I doubt if I could go on.... You know, I'm not Celine Dion, her heart will go on, but I don't know about myself."

        Brain "Stop asking already, I want to study Agriculture and Spanish. Tests are coming up. And you, please, stop thinking already, you have a life, you job is to encourage me to study hard."

       A short conversation between my heart and my brain. Hahahaha.

       Good night.

A poem written by me

           Hey guys, currently I'm studying about poems in literature.I can't help to write a poem showing how much I appreciate living in KTP (Kolej Tun Perak) Well, I hope you guys like it. It's the second poem that I've ever written myself.

Warning:

The following poem may content offensive material that may not be appropriate for any authority of KTP. If you happen to be one and you might feel offended, please click on the "X" on your upper right after the beep. Viewer's discretion is advised.

In other words, if you love KTP, go away already.

*BEEEEEP*

Still here? 

Alright I don't want to receive any complains because to me this is just a joke.

Enjoy.

KTP will be a nice place to live,
if all the cats are gonna leave.
And also get the toilet renovated,
before my body get contaminated.
Can't all the cats just get along?
Instead of fighting all night long.
Early morning when I'm dreaming,
still I hear the cats are screaming.
 I just get pain in my head,
When I could hear them in my bed.
Though I'm thankful to get into Uni,
Still I think the hostel is too sucky.
Why can't the authority do something?
Before we all start complaining?
Now I'm here to start wondering,
is this a sad tragedy,
or it's just a comedy?

           So how is it guys? No offence at all please. I did this just to practice my English Literature and try to write a poem. Just another sleepless night. Hahaha...

My 20th Birthday~~~

         Another year has gone. If you view my previous posts, you could see a post about my 19th birthday. I'm no longer 19 now. I'm 20. No longer a teenager.

           First of all, I'd like to thank God for allowing me to have an opportunity to celebrate my birthday with my loved ones. I'm lucky to get to spend time with my loved ones during my birthday and it's an honour.

            Looking back on my previous post about my 19th birthday, I realised time flies. 10th September 2009. I was studying Upper 6 in MBS in Penang. 10th September 2010, yea I'm in Penang now. But I'm studying in UPM in Serdang. Once again, thank God because I'm managed to get into University. My birthday wish for 2009 has came true. Getting into University was my 2009 wish. Thank God my birthday falls on Raya's holiday. So I get to go back to Penang to celebrate with my friends and family :)

         I'd like to thank my parents for everything. Thank you Mum and Dad. Thank you Mum and Dad for raising me up. I will never forget this. 20 years ago of 10th September was my Mum's suffering day and my Dad's worrying day. Then, I was borned! Thank you for who I am today. Thanks to Uncle Bob for the "ang pao" without an "ang pao long" haha.

7th September

         I'd like to thank my friends, Jia Yun, Hui Juian, Camillia and Kitty for the gathering on and celebrating Hui Juian and my birthday. Thank you for treating us Redbox. Also thanks Jia Yun for treating us to eat Lok Lok. Hahahaha...

          Wasn't really a clear and nice picture. We didn't have a good cameraman. Haha jk :P

8th September 

               Thanks to my friends Jasmine,Monchichi,Nini,Cherry and Wen Wei for celebrating my birthday with me at Seoul Garden. Yummy food but I didn't eat much enough. Now I am regret already. I don't get to eat those food in UPM! Why didn't I talk less and eat more that day? Hahahha...

                               See, a piggy ke le fe beside me hahahaha

                                     Never seen a round light before... LOL

   
             Well, that's on 8th September....

             I'd like to thank my UPM friend Yit Fung,for buying me a piece of cake from Secret Recipe. She's the first one to buy me a piece of cake to let me ENJOY in UPM. Thank you very much. Muacks :*

            Thanks to Jeff for the very special present. A box of tea? Now you make me have another problem. Because now I'm keep thinking whether to drink this tea or not. If I drink it, I don't get to keep it. If I don't drink it, it gonna expired in 2013. Hahahaha... Thank you la for buying and carrying this tea all the way from Cameron Highlands. Wow! Hahahha. And now the tea gonna travel all the way to Serdang! What a lucky box of tea! Hahahaa!

              Also, I wanna thanks to all my dear friends and family who wished me on sms and Facebook. YuXi, Michael, Joe ,Ah Lin Kor Kor, Hann, Christine, Jeff Chew,Fanny,Kitty, Gerry, Jia Yun,Teik Huat, Yit Fung, Hui Juain, Wendy Jiji, Sheen Li, Uncle Bob, Nick Kor Kor,Hanif, Nini, Alvin, Yen Mei, Hooi Shan. Well this is for SMS. For Facebook, too many to list, so just thank you everyone. :)

           I am really glad that I get so many people there for me to celebrate for me. I appreciate everything you guys did from everyone. Thank you guys! :)

         Another year has gone. No longer a teenager. Wow. Well, I do have a wish this year. The wish is that.... is that........ Well it's a secret!!!! Let's see next year if my wish came true as my wish came true for last year! Well, I really hope this wish came true.

          Last but not least, I'm 20!!! I will live my life to the fullest! I hope I can learn and see more things and be a much better person. I still have a lot to learn!  Thank you God,Mum and Dad,dear family and beloved friends!