You...

         There are too many incidents that lead me to think of you lately.

         I will never forget what happen that day.

         We used to be too close and now we're so far away. Sometimes my heart wonders how are you doing there so far? And my brain says it's none of my business at all.

         Sometimes I wonder, if you were not just playing around.

         How will everything be like?

         I was just a fool to believe that someone loved me.

        Here comes the rain again,

        Falling from the stars,

        Drenched in my pain again,

        Becoming who we are....

        Thank God I didn't lose what you wanted.

Dearly beloved...

Dearly beloved,

I grew up with your lies but I'm an adult right now.

I know how to differentiate what is true and false 

and yet you're still feeding me with the absurd nonsense.

I love you very much and I always will 

but I'm not Rihanna, I don't love the way you lie.

Please enlighten yourself and do what you should.

My heart ache whenever I think of you,

and what you have become.

even tears could paint my cheeks

I'm trying my best to help,

But I do not know how,

Is my love that I'm giving to you goes to waste?

I just hope that you could walk to the right path...

The whole world may hate you for what you have become,

No matter what happens,

I'll be right beside you dear.

May God bless you...

Just a little reminder...

                I could still remember when I was young, we were poor. We had no car. We had motorcycles and a very old broken van.


              When I was 13, my family managed to buy a second hand car. It was just a Proton Wira. I was so excited. I felt so happy get to sit in a car. Every time I follow my dad to fetch my brother to tuition, just to enjoy sitting in a car. I didn't have to sit the old van anymore.


              Years went by, I went to University. I told my mother the life there is difficult. I had to wait for bus. The weather is so hot, there are a lot of people, I can't stand squeezing around with people in the bus, and it wastes a lot of time to wait for the bus. My uncle came to visit and got a terrible shock that how huge my university is, and how inconvenient to take a bus. My mother loved me so much that she bought a second hand Kancil for me.


              Now, I'm working in kindergarten. I see a lot of lucky kids. They were just as young as 2 and they get to sit in a Honda. How lucky, I thought. I was 13 and felt so excited to sit in a Proton Wira. How stupid was I.


            When I was in University, I admire those who have cars to drive around when I have to sit in bus, they don't have to wait for bus under the hot son. When I couldn't catch a bus, and I walked back to my hostel, then I admire those who get to sit in bus, they don't have to walk. Now even I admire 2 years old kid get to sit in a Honda...


            Come to think of it, I realized one important thing, I've been using too much time to admire people until I've forgotten what have I got. I've got a pair of legs that I could walk everywhere I want. At least I could walk back to hostel when there is no bus. What about those who are cripple? Will they get to walk like I could? Why was I so blind? I supposed to thank God for what I've got. I may be poor, that my family couldn't own big cars or house, but my parents love me very much. That's what matters the most.




            So friends, a simple reminder of this blog for you all and myself is, be grateful for what we have. Stop comparing yourself with others. =)

            She has never waste a single thing in her life. She saves every single penny that she could. Her husband is a gambler and he has never given her a single cent. She has two children to raise. She works hard and she has never enjoy a single day in her life.


            She goes to the supermarket to shop for the cheapest ingredient she could get to cook meals for the family. She thinks twice before she buys anything. She works 24/7 to raise the family. She loves her children very much.


            Finally, her children have grown up. She thought the hard moment has finally over. But her children take her for granted. They do not have any proper job and never give her any money. To make the matter worse, they even ask money from her.


           Now that she is old, she still have to work hard for her all grown up children. She works hard and works hard and works hard, every hard work single penny that she saves is spent on her children. But,they smoke,drink and enjoy every single day like nobody's business.


          She couldn't do anything. She loves them too much. She doesn't scold them at all. She thinks everything she is doing is worth it. She has been taking care of them for her entire life. 


          The children show to respect to her. She is like a slave to them. They would scold her for some minor mistakes she does. She just keep silent.


           She tells nobody. She lies to her relatives. Telling people how great her children are, how great her life is. But people are not blind, they could see how is her life like. She feels ashamed about her life, so she chooses to lie and brag to people. People feel pity for her, yet they hate her for the lies and nonsense. She is making a nuisance of herself. People just dislike her. They just never try to understand what she is going through.


           Can anyone understand how does it feel for one to live in miserable days in life and pretend that everything is alright, and lie to everyone that how great her life is, just to hide her sorrow?




           Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of her. I am no longer a child to be so naive to believe what she tells me. I've realized all the lies she tells. Now, I can see the sorrow in her eyes even she is smiling. But no matter what happens, no matter what has she done, how she lies to me, I will always love her. I will be there for her, because she has always been there with me when I was young. She is the third of the most important person is my life. When I'm all grown up and have a steady job and life, I will give her a better life.


              Please wait for me....


              This song is specially dedicated to her...







                 "Light up, light up,
                  As if you have a choice,
                  Even if you cannot hear my voice,
                  I'll be right beside you dear...


                    Louder,louder,
                    And we'll run for our lives,
                    I can hardly speak I understand,
                    Why you can't raise your voice to say..."
             

Kids...

           Dear friends, it's been a while now since the last time i updated my blog.


           It's semester break again, in fact, it has been 2 months of break already. I'm currently working part time as a teacher in a kindergarten named Krista located in Tg. Tokong in the morning and Penang Chinese Kindergarten teaching standard 3 in the afternoon.


           Well, since I've exposed so much with kids, I'd like to share with you about my opinions about kids.


            Since I've been working in Krista kindergarten, I've seen and exposed with a few kinds of kids and parents.


            Looking at some cute kids, I really couldn't resist myself, I feel like having kids of my own. I know it's crazy and impossible right now. haha. But look at them, the way they call you, wave at you and hug you, their smiles and actions, when their small bodies run to you and hug you, when your big arms wrap against their small little bodies, how could you not love them? This is the first time I'm really exposed with 2 to 4 years old kids this close. They're so tiny and cute. Well, I'm not teaching them, I teach Kindergarten 1 & 2, but I do spend time with the nursery kids too. When I see them learning how to talk, learning new words and actions, they're just too cute.. 


            Just the moment I wonder how would my life be like in the future if I have children of my own, I see those kids being naughty and annoying.


            Kids may be cute, but raising a kid is not easy all. It's like a long term investment. Remind yourself about changing diapers and waking up in the middle of the night when they are crying, taking care of them to make sure they are healthy, give them good education. Plan to have a kid only if you can give your kid a good life.


            It's a fact that cannot be denied that parents nowadays have spoiled their kids. I could still remember the days when I was young. When I was being naughty, my mum would cane me, and when I was crying, she told me "Enough, I don't want to hear your sobbing any more, QUIET." I couldn't even sob when I cry. If I wouldn't stop, she would ask me to stand at the corner. That was how she punished me. I used to afraid of her a lot. Dad was the one to save me whenever I was in trouble. When I was punished by my mum, he would come and console me, try to joke with me to make me happy. I always bullied him, I would beat him and cry even louder, and all he did was smile and try to kiss me, and I would beat him and pushed him away cause I didn't want him to kiss me. I could still remember there is this once I was punished to stay at the corner, and my dad was playing keyboard to cheer me up, I was crying and stubborn enough to close both my ears, as I didn't want to listen to his music. Hahaha..


           Ahh.... Those memories, how I always get punished by my mum and bullied my dad... Oh well, time flies. But now, what I see is, there are a few parents who love their kids too much. They no longer punish their kids anymore. They love their kids way too much until they didn't realise they have spoil them. I do not want to say what did they do, but if I were to do what their kids did, I think I would get a punch in the face by my mum. Hahaa. Oh well, I could just see, and remind myself not to spoil my kids in the future. I think it's a difficult thing to do. When you have a kid of your own, you tend to be too excited to see he or she learn to talk and walk and call Mummy, and you will love him or her too much, and it's just too painful to punish him or her. But, I seriously have to remember to be a strict mother for the sake of my future children.


           Parents nowadays come to school when they hear their children complain that teacher pull their ears or punish them for doing something wrong. What have the world become? How can parents still protect their children when their children are the one did something wrong? Well, I'm still wondering.


           So my dear friends, spare the rod and spoil the child, this is a true phrase. Generations now have changed, they love their children too much until they have spoiled them, but for the sake of the lives of our children, we cannot spoil our children. Punish them when they do something wrong if you really love them.


          Family background is way too important for a child. I realised this too when I'm teaching Krista Kindergarten. I have one 5 years old and 6 years old student who couldn't recognise alphabets and numbers. I've been teaching them for like 1000 times and yet they could forget that F is F, M is M, H is H and so on. I seriously do not know what to do. I'm trying my best to help them. But even they themselves don't want to help themselves. I seriously do not know what to do. I can just continue to repeat and repeat and hope that one day they can tell me that M is M without me telling them that it is an M.


         The point is, you have to teach your kids at home too if you hope them to achieve well in academics, don't just rely everything on kindergartens, cause your kids are here for like 5 hours a day, they spend most of the time with the parents. Parents, teach your children well....


        Well, I hope this post is not offensive. Just sharing =)

"The Gift"

           I borrowed this book "The Gift" by Cecelia Ahern from my friend and it took me about 1 week to finish it.


            At first I thought it was some kind of love novels,but it turned out it was not. The story was okay at first and it ended very unexpectedly and very thought-provoking.


             It was about this man named Lou who was always busy working and neglected his family. He met a homeless man named Gabe in the street and gave him a job in his workplace. Things started to change when Gabe came to his life and gave his the most valuable gift that changed his life forever.


            Well, this is just the summary without the ending.Good book I'd say. *like*


              I seriously recommend all of you guys to read this book. It makes you think about the value of life.

Sleepless night in UPM

         This is the place my writings come when I couldn't sleep.


         I've slept too much earlier. That is why I'm not sleeping tonight.


         When I had a sleepless night in Penang, I would stay online at night and wait for my mom to get up, so that we could have breakfast together.


         Right now I'm so hungry as the last meal I had just now was like 11 hours ago. I want to have breakfast with my mom like we were in Penang. But I couldn't.


         I was terribly homesick few weeks ago. I just couldn't accept a single thing here. Every thing was wrong back then. Academics, personal life, the environment, friends. I just wanted to pack my bag and go back. Too many bad things happened to me that time. I couldn't cope with it. I was thinking how great my life would be if I'm home.


        I talked to my mom and I told her I want to try to transfer to USM. She asked me why, she suggested that idea to me before last semester. I didn't accept it as I thought although the life here is difficult I should go on. But when I talked to her, I couldn't take the life there any longer. She knew something was wrong. She kept asking me why would I want to transfer back all of a sudden. I couldn't hold it any longer. I cried. She was surprised and kept asking me what is wrong.


        "Everything was wrong. I don't belong here!" I said, sobbing.


        She told me this is part of life, we have to go through it. We face difficulties in life. I know all of that.


        "You can come back home if you want. If you really think you cannot do it, you can just come back and study college here...."


        After those words from my mom, I felt even sadder. How much my parents love me? And how much have I disappointed them? I didn't want my mom to be worried about me, and what have I done? I felt so regret to cry to her, and now she's so worried about me. What a useless daughter am I.


      I collapsed during those few days. Everything was just wrong. I prayed hard to God. I ask Him to show me the way. Was I walking in the wrong path? I felt like giving up. I couldn't do it anymore. Why is every thing just didn't go the way it's supposed to be?


         I know my mom's dream is to see me going to local University. I knew she was very happy when she knew I got into UPM. I was happy too actually, until the day I really came here.


         During that weekend I went back home. I had great time with my family, my most valuable asset. My family was very supportive. I was very touched. I dyed my hair red. Very red indeed. I wanted to have a make over, as a symbol of a new beginning.


        "The Law of Attraction" -- I am not sure if I believe in it or not but I have to attract good things to me.


        Thank God, things were getting better when I came back from Penang. I was very touched, Most of my problems seems to have solved. Not all of it, but most of it. =)

        I shouldn't be so weak. I have to be strong. I cannot give up. I cannot let my parents down. I know. I hope this situation doesn't happen twice.

        I'm sure everyone knows about the the tsunami and earthquake happening in Japan. I feel terribly sad for them. Let us pray for them. And I know my situation is nothing compared to them. I shouldn't be such a failure to cry over for such minor things. People are suffering all over the world, and I was living with food and water and yet  I was sad. Oh well, I'm just human, but I have to be strong seriously.

        But I have something on my mind, why are we praying for people AFTER something bad had happen to them? Don't get me wrong, of course praying for them is good.

         Bad things are happening around the world. The moment I'm writing this or the moment you are reading this, a baby might be dying, a man is taking drugs, a child is lost, a wife is being abused, a dog is being tortured, kids lost their beloved parents, a teenager is running away from home... Their lives count too..

         I see the invitations and programs on Facebook like "pray for Japan" and all that. Yes, we should pray for them. But  not only when they face tragedies, it is better to pray for world peace before the tragedies and also when the tragedies are happening, and pray for thankfulness after the tragedies end.

       Of course we pray for them, but still, don't forget about people who are suffering in other countries. 


        Well, this is my opinion.


       The world is in a huge mess right now.

May God :

Give hope to the hopeless,

Give faith to the faithless,

Give food to the hunger,

Give shelter to the homeless,

Give comfort to the pain,

Give an END to the suffering,

Give tissue to wipe away their tears,

May God bless all of us ♥

May all of this end right now.

 World peace!!!

Homesick...

           I have to admit. I am not feeling so good lately. I've had this feelings since I came back to UPM last week. I knew I should be thankful for everything. I've been ignoring my sad feelings and trying to be positive since last week.


           But I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't pretend. I'm only human. I miss my home very much. I know everyone here has to go through the same thing. But I think of my family every single moment.


           I do not know why is this happening to me. It's the second semester already. I should be strong now. I know there are some students from Sabah or Sarawak are much less fortunate than me cause they couldn't even go back for the one week Chinese New Year break. 


          But right now I am so weak.


           I miss every single one,family, relatives and even my dogs. I wanted to go back during weekends. But my  mother asked me not to. As it's a long 6-hour-trip and I could just stay for a few days. No point going back. She is right.


          I do not know what to do. All I can do is to pray for me to be strong.


          One of the reasons I miss my family so much because I have the greatest family members ever. I love them very much. I've never realized that until I left home. They all are very nice to me. They are the greatest assets that God has given me. Like I said before, I'm not rich to have a big bungalow or drive a Porche, but I'm rich for the loving family that I have.


         I miss the moment we go out and drink coffee together.


         I miss the moment we have delicious dinners together.


         I miss the moment I sleep with my nieces, hug them, and kiss them.


          I miss the moment I overnight at my cousin's house.


          I miss the every single moment.


        


           I have a very special father. I have a very special relationship with him. For those who have seen the way I treated my father you will know what I mean.


          Most of my friends or relatives do not treat their fathers like the way I do.


          I always talk to my father rudely,scold him and even hit him. But all of these are in joking manner. Although I treat him that way, but in my heart, I respect him and love him. I'm concern about him a lot.


         All my relatives know our special father and daughter relationship. For a far-distant relative who come and visit us once in a while was shocked to see the way I talk to my father. She advised me to be nice to my father.


          My mother was there to reply :" Let them be, they are always like that. The father enjoys the daughter being rude to him."


         People might think that I'm a bad daughter. But as long as I know I am not, it's okay. Hahaha.


          My father has treated me very nicely since I was young. In other word, spoiled me.When my mother was there to scold me or punish me for doing something wrong, he will be there to comfort me, buy my stuff when I cry. He had never scolded me, unless for some times I was being too much. When my father gets mad and scolds me, I know I would know I am wrong. But this happens rarely.


          He is always there to joke with my crazily since I was young, tease me and give me all kinds of nicknames. He likes to make me scold him and hit him.


        Our way of communicating since I was young was, he would talk jokingly or crazily to me, and I would then shout and scold him.


        This sounds like I'm really a bad and disobedient daughter, but that is really the way our relationships is. He enjoys me shouting at him. Whenever I scold or being rude to him, he will smile and tease me more.


         Though I'm so old and big in size now, I would go and lie beside him on a same sofa just to make him feel uncomfortable. He is a very thin man. And everytime I do so, he would say :"Go away, go away, you want to kill me is it? Just like Smarties (our big dog at home) lying on Snoopy (our small dog at home). Snoopy will die!"


         Hahahaa, what a crazy father I have. I miss him so much.




          I really miss everyone in my family. I miss my youngest niece too. She's very cute. I used to feed her and bathe her. When I go for a sleepover at my cousin's house, we sleep together. Before sleeping, she would asked me to prepare milk for her. I would ask her to kiss me, and then I will make it. I feel I'm lucky when her small lips touch my cheek.


         In the morning, she would wake up early, and keep calling me, and ask me to bring her go swimming. She likes swimming. She is very excited when she wakes up, and keep trying to wake me up. Well, lazy me couldn't wake up early. But to see her exciting face, I couldn't let her down, I would wake up, and go swimming with her and her sister.




          How I miss all of my family so much. I can't wait to go back on semester break. 81 days to go. 


          I need to be strong, and do what I'm supposed to do. 


          Oh well, at least I have blogspot to express my feelings. :)

          May God help me to stay strong...

He was looking at the computer -.-

Malam Gong Xi Kolej Tun Perak 2011

          Before I start this post, I'd like to wish everyone who is reading this a Happy Chinese New Year!




         Okay, I shall begin.


          So last semester, right after the Pesta Tanglung KTP, my senior asked us to organised an event named Malam Gong Xi. At first, I was like "Kongsi night? A night that you share your things? Or kongsi gelap thingy?"
I was wrong. Gong Xi as in Gong Xi Fa Cai in Chinese. So, my seniors had a meeting asked us juniors to organised this event. 


             During the meeting, we had to pick the leaders for this event. My seniors had decided to let juniors to be the top 4, (The director, assistant of director, treasurer, secretary) as we had gain some experience during Pesta Tang Lung. So we have to suggest and vote for someone. And guess what? One of my beloved friends suggested me to be the director.


             When they were counting votes, I knew I couldn't do it. I was like, "Come on, me? A director for such a big event? Are you kidding or what?" I prayed to God, I told God that if God wants me to do this, then I will get it, but allow this event to be a success and allow me to be a good director, if not, please don't let me be the director at all. Just right after my prayer, I heard, "So our director for this event is Sherri Koh!!!"


              I didn't know I should be happy or sad. But since God wanted me to do this, I shall do it good.


              We were quite relaxed and had a great time until the beginning of this semester. By the time we realised, Malam Gong Xi is in 3 weeks time (25th of January). Quickly we began our work right after the holiday. For me, I was very stressful as the event got closer and closer. I was worried about practically every single groups. I told the protocol unit what should they do. I was worried about the publicity unit as I afraid we couldn't hit our target which is 600 people. I was worried about the carnival unit, we really need to estimate how much to sell, and we have to know how many tickets and coupons are sold to do that, and we need to estimate how much per person would eat. That was a lot of work. I was worried about the technical unit too, as they need to prepare the multimedia show. The programs unit that had to prepare programs for people to watch and the decoration unit that had to think of how to decorate the whole thing.


            I've learned really a lot during this event. I learned more than Pesta Tanglung. The best idiom to describe this event is "Too many cooks spoil the soup." When you have too many people telling you what to do, it spoils the whole thing. Well, actually the event went great, really thank God for that. I was very happpy, after all the hard work that we had been through. But during the process of making it, rehearsals and all that, we had been through a lot of difficulties and disagreements. Things were rough during that time. That was this once that I nearly cried but I managed to held back. That time was the time where I wanted to just pack my luggage and go back home to celebrate Chinese New Year earlier. Thank God, everything ended up great and I am now sitting on my bed in my home sweet home writing this.


           Honestly, making a big event like this is very difficult, we have some "outsiders" who try to make things difficult for us, we have some people doing some "things" to us, but thank God we managed to solve everything.


          I am very touched with what all my members did. They all sacrificed their precious time and energy for this event. Words could never describe what we have been through. Every units have their own work and difficulties. I can see that. I can see that their are working hard, just that some of the people keep on complaining and telling how much work are they doing and how difficult it is. But some people are doing their difficult job silently.


          Although we faced some disagreements and sometimes we got a bit upset and raised our voice during rehearsals when things didn't go right, I hope everyone understands what is the point of doing this event.


         The main point of making this event, I couldn't tell it here, but the point is not to make us ending up hating each other. We may face disagreements and some tiny quarrels during this event, but after this event, please do not take all that personally, cause that is not the point of making this event at all. Do not let anything that happen in the process of this event to spoil our friendship. Do not take it personally, please forget everything as this event ends.


        So I am sorry to anyone if I have hurt anyone's feelings during this program. I do not mean it. Do not take it personally.


       Thank you everyone who involved in this. I'm really happy to know everyone of them. They are such great and amazing people. This event would never event happen without them, I wouldn't even have the chance to write about this post without them. Everything really went great and we managed to reach our target which is around 600 people! Yay!!! Nothing bad happen. So yeah! Praise the Lord and everyone!

           Thank you for giving me this opportunity to be a director for an event like this and to learn so much. God bless we all.

Before the event starts

At the waiting room with the VVIP

Walking in with the VVIP

VVIP

Giving speech nervously in front of 600 people

Open ceremony~

Lucky draw session

Walking out with the VVIP when the event ends

Time to be crazy after the event~

            So really thank God and everyone for every thing. Wish all of you to have a happy Chinese New Year!!! HUAT AHHH!!!

2011 New Year Resolutions

I know it's kinda late for this, but yeah, I've just finished my New Year resolutions

One of the reasons I'm posting it right here cause I want everyone of you to be my witness

Then I will work extra heart to fulfill these resolutions as everyone knows it

2011 New Year Resolutions

1)Lose weight = 55kg!!!

2) Find out about all religions and decide which to follow

3)CGPA pointer at least = 3.0

4)Self improvement :

-Do not neglect family and friends, be extra caring to them

-Be fair to both Smarties and Snoopy

-Stay calm when there is problem

5)Spend not more than RM350 a month

6)Do not fall for any guy (unless he falls for me,lol)

7)Learn a new word every day~

8)Finish at least one book a week

9)Wake up at least 10am daily

10)Do not online for more than 2 hours a day!

11)Pray and meditate for 15 minutes before sleep

12)Be thankful for every single thing!

13)Follow all these 12 resolutions!

I really want to fulfill these 13 resolutions.

So beloved friends, please be my witness and scold me if I'm not following any!

Thanks!

And what are you guys resolutions?

Have a happy new year and keep improving everyday! :)