Guilty

         Well,since STPM is over,I am so free now.

        I want this moment to be a very productive moment. I want to live it to the fullest. I want to do a lot of things.

       First,I went for a camp. It was a Buddhist Children Camp. We were supposed to take care of around 150 little children. It was on Thursday,the day after my STPM. I thought I might want to do something meaningful and I wanted to be helpful,so I joined the camp. Plus,I've never joined any camp before. I thought this might be a good experience.

     Thursday,when I just went to the camp, it wasn't like how I was expected.

     Seriously,the camp was too strict. They were going to take away our handphones as they say no handphones are allowed. Some members there told me,if they realised anyone didn't hand up their handphone,there will be a spot check for everyone.

    I was like,are you kidding me? I'm just finished my strict life in school. Now you're telling me I'm going to live this kind of life..AGAIN?

     That was not all. I felt very uncomfortable there. So,I called my mother and asked her to fetch me back earlier,I couldn't live this kind of life. It was too strict. I thought if I felt uncomfortable,why should I continue it? I wanted to enjoy in this camp,but I couldn't. What's the point of continuing it?

    Actually,some of the talks are nice. I learned something too. The Shi Fu there taught some meaningful lessons. It was quite nice. But most of the time I wasn't feeling good. Plus, it was too tiring.

   But,deep inside my heart, I felt very guilty. I was the one who said that I'd want to help out in the camp. But I was the one to quit the camp earlier too. I know I am being irresponsible. I felt to guilty for them. Also for my friend Monique too,cause I couldn't accompany her till the last day of the camp. I was the one who asked her if she was interested to go for the camp and she went with me. But I left her there alone.

    I'm so sorry to everyone of you. I just couldn't continue it.

   We did a lot of prayer there. We prayed to Buddha all the time for hours. When ones is praying,he or she should concentrate on it and fully believe in it. But deep inside my heart, I couldn't concentrate,cause I was doubting about myself, do I believe in this? I know I didn't totally believe in it. I am sorry. So, it is meaningless to pray if you do not believe in it.

   I am still finding the religion that I could totally believe in it. I believe there is God. But,who is God? Is it Jehovah who sent Jesus to save us? Or is it Buddha who figured out about live,old,sick,death(in chinese)? Or who is it? It's still remain a doubt in my heart. I will continue to figure it out.

   Once again,I'm sorry that I quit earlier in the camp.

Finally...

9th of Dec 2009

         Finally,this day has come. I thought it will never come. I thought it will be like forever. But just for a while,this day has come.

        Yes,this is the last day of my STPM. 4pm! I felt so excited. I felt like wanna scream out loud. But I couldn't. Cause we were in the exam hall. It was great! I felt so relieved. It's like a big rock has drop from my back. Quickly, I walked out of the school and got into the car and went home feeling happily.

        Well,you guys will never guess what was the first thing I did when I reached home.

      What was it?

     My beloved dog gave me a present!!! What was it??

    His vomit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So the first thing I saw when I open the door was his vomit!!! The first thing I did when I reached home is to clean up his vomit!!!!!!! -.- Stupid dog! What a good present for his master!

    Then,I quickly help my mother to clean up the house. Then,I went to have steamboat with my friends in "Huo Guo Zi Jia" (House of Steamboat) lol. Then we went to watch a movie. (Couple Retreat)

       I just felt to great. When I reached home,it was 2 something already. I cleaned my room until 5 something. Cause I will be going to a camp on the next day till Sunday. I want to have a great rest in a clean room when I reach home on Sunday. And guess what again? I slept at 5 something around 6am.

    Suddenly,my mom woke me up,it was 7 something.

   "Snoopy shit in your room!!!!!!!!!"

   Thanks to my stupid dog. I slept for like 2 hours and I had to wake up to clean his shit! -.-

   This dog gave me 2 presents for finishing my STPM within 24 hours. I didn't know whether to thank him or beat him! If he does the same thing next time,I guess you guys will have dog meat BBQ to eat next time!

   Anyway,I feel so happy that STPM is over. Well,that was how my form6 life ends. No more school uniform. No more going to class. Wow....Will I be seeing my form6 friends again? Oh well.....I'd like to take this opportunity to wish them all the best in their future! No matter what you do,just do your best! :)

   And I'd like to scream

     I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! :D :D

What was that?

30th November 2009

          It was around 10pm and I was tired already. But I haven't study for the economy test for Monday. So,I set my alarm to 12am and had a nap.

         The alarm rang. It was 12am already. I turned off the alarm and continue to sleep.

         Suddenly,I felt my head was stuck to the right side. I couldn't move my head. It was like something keep pushing my head from the left. I couldn't turn my head to center or left side. It was very painful.

          This went on for quite some time. I tried very hard to get up but I couldn't. I wanted to get up from the bed and ask my mother to help me. But I couldn't get down of the bed. I had no energy in me. I didn't know why. I've tried to hard but I just couldn't move. I even tried to turn my head, the more I tried,the more it hurt. Tears even flowed out of my eyes. It was very painful. I had no way to get over it no matter how hard I try.

        Then, I thought of an idea. I prayed. I prayed to God. I said "Dear God,I'm in pain,please let me get over this. I cannot hold any longer." (in hokkien)

       Suddenly,I was awake! I was shocked to realise that it was a dream. But how could it be so real? My body position was exactly the same in the dream.  Was that actually a dream? How come everything was so real?

        It's just too real! And I wondered how come just I finished praying and I was awake already? Was that a coincident? Or was God actually helping me? Or God is trying to give me a hint? What was that all about?

       Am I thinking too much? But it's just impossible for me to let it go without thinking of anything. I cannot forget the moment I was in pain.

       I've heard about people saying about this. They say that "something" is disturbing you. It's called "鬼压床" in Chinese. But I don't really believe it. Cause I was in my own house. If I was in a hotel room or any other place, I might believe it.  My house safe as far as I know.

      Some people said that this happens when we're too tired or stressed. Well, that can be true. But I was not really worried about anything serious. Just some minor stuff like the exams and so on.

     Well,even if I was very tired and stressed, why I could wake up just at the time I finished praying.What was that all about?Was God really helping me? Or it was just a coincident?

     It's still a doubt in my mind....

                       Anyway, Thank God I was awake at last.....

Untitled

Worthy is the lamb

Thank you for the cross Lord
Thank you for the price You paid

Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Chorus:
Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious
High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

    Everytime I listen to this song,I have this sad feeling.It has been 2 and a half year now,time does fly.We sang this song during your funeral.Everyone was crying.So,everytime we listen to this song,I imagine what we have been through.

    After I've lost you,I only feel that I actually miss you.What a fool am I.You will only appreciate something after you lose it.I think that's true.You make me understand the importance of family.I have never felt this way before.I've never lost someone that is so close to me.

    Everything that we did,all the scene,all the thoughts and everything about you have became memories that can only be played in my head.The memories that I cannot make it happen again in my real life.

    I know we should accept what happens to us,I know we cannot change what has happened.But I just cannot accept the truth that you're gone forever in my life.I just cannot accept the truth that I cannot see you anymore.I cannot accept the truth that I cannot talk to you anymore.And I cannot accept the truth that I cannot do what I wanted to do for you.

      I still miss you. My tears still flow everytime I think of you. Sometimes before I sleep I will think of you. Wondering how are you doing now.

     Thank you very much for everything.Thank you for the loves and cares.Please forgive me if I did anything wrong.I love you and I miss you.

Will miss you always,Ji Ee.

One more priority in life....Michael Jackson...

      Sometimes we tend to feel regret of what we have done. I know that feeling regret over things that happened won't turn back time. What matters is we don't repeat the same mistake again in the future.

         I was a very huge fan of Avril Lavigne since 2004. I love her very much that no words could ever describe. You wouldn't believe what I did.

            I can be happy or sad for her news. For example, when I realised that she got married with Deryck from Sum41 which I don't like him at all, I cried to sleep because I couldn't accept the fact.

           I bought all of her original albums with my own money.

           I quarreled with my brother because of her. He insulted her really badly and I got crazy and cried and shouted at him. Even my parents got shocked that I acted this way.

         I watched a horror film and got scared and I hold her album to sleep at night and I felt that I'm safe.

         I listened to her songs ONLY everyday. Not other singers,cause I wanted to be a faithful fan.

         I got her posters all over my wall.

         I light up a candle and talked to her(imagining) on her birthday.

        I learn to draw her.

        I'd do anything for her.

        There are a lot of crazy stuffs I did for her. I really obsessed with her. I was so crazy. I was really a freak. Thank God that was few years back then.

       Soon, in 2007,one of my beloved aunty passed away. I was very sad. I was really very down at that moment. The day she passed away was like the darkest day of my life. I cried a lot. I felt that I didn't spend much time with her and she passed away so soon. I started to feel regret. Although I did visit her time to time,but I think I don't spend enough time with her. How much time is enough? I don't know. If I knew that she was going to passed away, I will visit her more often, maybe I could talk to her more. 

      I really felt the sadness inside. I realised family is very important. Losing something really makes you appreciate it more. From that time onwards, I knew I was really crazy.

      What for loving someone that doesn't even know who are you so much?

      What for spending your time searching stuff about her when she wouldn't even know if you die?

       That was what I thought to myself. How could I be so blind? Why don't I use all those time and energy to give the love to all the people I know? From that time, my aunty's death really taught me a valuable lesson. That is to spend more time with your loved ones. Not to someone that doesn't know you.

        Since then, I spend more time with my family and talk to them. I really love my family. They are so wonderful. They are really very nice to me. I really thank God for having such great family. My family is one of my most valuable assets. Since my aunty passed away, we have this family dinner every Sunday at my house. I look forward to Sunday every week. So I could spend more time with my family. Especially my neices. They are very cute and loving.

        I swear to myself,to love someone that they know and care about us. So I promised myself never be crazy or obsessed about any famous artiste anymore. Because they don't worth it. They don't even know me. And what is so great about them? They just can sing great songs. That's all. It's not like they could fly.

        So now, even if I like some songs,I will just keep listening to those songs. I won't go crazy over the artiste like I did to Avril. What I did for Avril was abnormal.

    

         Now here comes the mainpoint for me of writing this blog.

         Everything was great. Until this year,2009, I received a news that Michael Jackson passed away. First, I thought, aw,that's a sad news. And I thought it's none of my business.

       Televisions were showing all his programmes. News,live,music videos,interviews and stuffs. Radios kept playing his songs. Suddenly, I realised a few of his songs were really great. I used to listen to "Earth Song" and "Heal The World" only. I never go and search what kind of great songs he had. But, I realised,he was more than those two songs. He had a lot of great hits!

       So,I search on YouTube for his songs. On the other hand,I watched some interviews of his too. There were rumours saying that he was a child molester. I didn't care much about those stuff. Cause I thought it was none of my business. I used to think he was kinda weird. I was like "what's up with the plastic surgeries?" That's all. I never think much about him. Never bother about him or even to get to know him.

      But when I watched videos about him on YouTube. I learned a lot of things about him. That is Michael Jackson!
      He was such a great dancer!
      His songs are really great!
      He did a lot of charity! He is so loving!
      He always spend time with children and play with them. I remember watching videos of him playing with little children in Neverland. He was so cute and innocent with those children. Running around,playing and joking with them. He really touched my heart. And there were videos where he visited sick children in hospital.

       How many artistes do that? I didn't know Michael Jackson was such a great guy. And I realised people are just accusing him that they molested their children so they could get money from him.

       He was really humble too. He loved his fans. He would hug his fans and this three sentences are always to be said to his fans. "Thank You." "I Love You" and "God Bess You".

       How many great artistes do such things like he did?
       How many great artiste actually donate 300million dollar to the charity?
       How many artiste build up a big beautiful house for children to play inside?
       How many artiste be so humble and so kind to their fans?
      How many artiste are so talented and created such great songs? How many artiste could dance so well?

       I think the answer is one. That is Michael Jackson. He is a legend. He is famous already. I don't need to elaborate how famous he is. Ask my little niece that is 6 years old she knows who is Michael Jackson and she can sing "Heal The World".

      So,now, I can't help myself from falling in love with him. He is perfect. He is too great. I know he doesn't know me and I shouldn't spend time on artiste. But I couldn't resist? What should I do? I really like him. He is really a great man. No words ever can be used to describe him as he is too great,excellent,amazing....He is more than that.

        I had stop the habit of OVER loving artiste already. But now, Michael Jackson had made me fall for him. Fall for an artiste again. But I know he worth it. He will be the number one artiste forever in my heart.

        If only I learn about him earlier. And if only I used all my time,energy and love that I to Avril,gave to him instead. I would have been a better person during my teenage years. As Michael taught us a lot of great values. But it's never too late to learn. I am a good person now. ( I hope...hehe)

        Once again,ending this post with how I started it. Regretting about something won't turn back time. But I still hope that I should spend my time on Michael Jackson instead of Avril Lavigne last time. Of course my family is still the first priority in my life.

       I am sorry that I just learn about you after you passed away. I won't say that hope you rest in peace. Cause I know that you are resting in peace now. Having great time in heaven. The world is too cruel to you. It's okay. You have great fans there will always remember what you did for us.

 I love you Michael Jackson. You are a beautiful guy.

        I won't be so crazy like I used to be anymore. I've grown up now,not an immature girl like I used to be anymore. I know how to manage what's more important in life. I used to have my family and friends and myself as my priority in life. Now I have one more,which is Michael Jackson.

     I know he has passed away already. But what important is the message that he tried to tell us. That is to make this world a better place. I will try my best to fulfill your dream Michael. You have done your very best.

Thank you so much for everything that you did for this world. This world has became a better place because of you.

         

This Is It!!!!

28th Oct evening 8:44:22pm

             Suddenly!!!!I received a message from Monique.

            "Hey are you interested to go watch mj shows tomoro at gurney around 2.45pm or 5pm."

            I was like...

            Is she sending to the wrong person? Monique? Asking me to watch Michael Jackson's movie!?

           Haha!!! I was so happy! I thought I didn't get the chance to watch Michael Jackson's movie already as it just shows for two weeks!!!

          She said she asked me cause she knew I like Michael Jackson too! Her friends made reservations at 2.45pm and 5pm but they couldn't make it. I was thinking 5pm is too late. So we picked the show at 2.45pm.

29th Oct

           Just right after we finish our PA exam paper in school,quickly we drove to gurney to collect the tickets that her friends reserved. She waited me in the car and I got up to the 7th floor to collect the tickets. Just when I reached there,there was only one counter available! And the queue was as long as a snake! I afraid it might take a lot of time,so I "fly" down to Monique again and asked her if she wants to come too. Then we got up again and collect our tickets!

          So, it was 2.15pm already! Quickly we drove all the way to my house. Before that,we "ta pao" chicken rice for lunch. LOL. Smart Monique said that we should take away so that when she's bathing, I can eat and vice versa. Then it will save a lot of time. We were rushing like crazy girls la! Haha. By the time we finished everything it was 3pm! So,quickly,we drove all the way from my house to Gurney Plaza again. Reached there at 3.15pm to meet Kar Yan then we RAN to the cinema!!!

           The first scene we saw when we got inside was Michael performing "Smooth Criminal". The movie was so great. Although it's just showing his rehearsal, I think it's really great cause he's really talented. The movie is about him doing his rehearsal for his upcoming tour. Well,it didn't success to be live as we all know,he passed away.  It was such a waste as they really put a lot of hard work in the rehearsal. All the crews,set up for the stage,all the really TALENTED dancers,the fire crackers,his outfits,his dance moves,EVERYTHING. It would be a great performance really. Just the rehearsal was great enough. One word, AMAZING. I really hope to see the real live. Too bad,it's just too bad that he's gone.

           Honestly, I was never a die hard fan. I just listen to a few of his songs. But,since he passed away. I was like,Michael Jackson passed away? Why... He's so talented. Then I started to find out more about him. Then, I realised,he was really a kind man. After all the videos I've watch about him in Youtube.  I found out a lot of his great songs, beautiful songs and hit songs. He could dance really well. And most of all, he is very kind. He has donated around RM300 million to the charity! I wonder if I could earn that much of money in my whole entire life! He build the Neverland and let kids to go there to play. He was very kind to his fans. He is like perfect. I really learned a lot about him from his videos.

          But,I really don't understand, why are people being cruel to him? Why people are greedy enough to sue him for things that he didn't do? Some crazy parents sued him saying that he molested their kids. It was really ridiculous. He's a beautiful guy that love children. He wouldn't do anything like that! Only you sick people would! So sick that made fake reports saying that he molested your kids! Why would Michael want to molest your kids? That's very funny. With his money,he could just throw his money to some poor kids and they will just let him do anything willingly(I'm not saying MJ would do that), but come on,think about it, why would he want to molest kids? So that you people could sue him? You are lucky enough that your kids could spend time in Neverland! You should appreciate that! I wanted to go there so much but I don't even have any chance! But what did you do? Accusing a kind man like him! Shame on you! And he had to close Neverland to pay you money to shut your mouth and make your money face to go away.

          How could people being so cruel to such beautiful human being like Michael Jackson? He is talented,great dancer,great singer,great songwriter,great performer, and yet, he is not arrogant,unlike some artiste can sing a bit or anything and act like they are the king of the world. He loved his fans,everytime he performed the song "You Are Not Alone" live, he would asked the guard to pick one lucky fan to go on stage to dance with him and hug him. He showed love to his fans. He also loved animals, and he loved the world. He told us that WE ARE THE WORLD and asked us to HEAL THE WORLD. He treated us like a family. He is just so beautiful. He doesn't stop loving us even though some people treated him so bad.

       He is a true talented artiste that deserve to be so famous. He created great music that cheer people up and inspired people. Just by his music,he had helped a lot of people. Unlike some new artistes right now,singing meaningless songs and got rich for crappy songs. Michael is real,his songs are meaningful,his dance is great. This is the fact that cannot be denied.

        I have said this a lot of times,and now I'm going to say it again. Michael Jackson is really a great man that God sent to Earth. He has raised awareness to human,telling us to heal the world and spread love. In the movie "This Is It", his message was to tell us to heal this world. He is really a wonderful guy. It's so sad that he has to passed away so soon. Oh well. 

       It's good that he is in heaven now. I'm sure he is happy there. Smiling down to us. Although he has passed away,but his music,his soul,his kindness will always be remembered. There are people misunderstand about you,or people just want to hate you,but don't worry. You have much more fans than haters. Those haters just have no life and got nothing better to do. You are one talented person,beautiful person physically,emotionally and mentally. Inside and outside. We will always love you. You will always have your love ones and fans around you. 

       Although you couldn't perform "This Is It" live,you only could make the rehearsal,but I'm sure your performing to people in heaven now right? Rest In Peace. You are a legend. King of Pop!

       I am sorry that I didn't know about you earlier.I only realised all about you and start to love you after you have passed away. But, it was never too late. This blog is dedicated to you.

         Anyway, last but not least, I'd like to thank my friend Monique for asking me to watch too,and thanks for fetching me. Although we were rushing like crazy girl,I really had a great time,seeing Michael Jackson's movie and doing all the crazy stuff with you. Hahaha... Great to hang out with someone crazy :D It was really fun. Well,this is the first time we hang out. Yeah! Keep talking about Michael Jackson all the way. And she really gets excited and scream. Hahaha. Keep repeating Michael is cool,handsome and all that. LOL. Too bad I forgot to count how many times we mention "MICHAEL JACKSON". Hahaha. And Kar Yan too, thanks for watching the movie with us! Know you so long,really first time going out with you. We are crazy right!? Hahaha.

These are the photos that we took in GSC. We were really crazy there. Hahaha.

         Monique and me in her car with her LIMITED EDITION Michael Jackson DVD/BOOK. =)

To all my friends and family and everyone I know

              One day...

               When you are feeling very sad...

               When you need someone to talk to...

               When you need someone to listen to you...

               When you feel that you are lonely...

               When you think that you don't have the courage...

               When you feel stressed...

               When you feel frustrated...

               When you need a shoulder to cry on...

               When you need someone to concern about you....

              Feel free to talk to me. I will be right beside you to help you overcome to the problems that you face.

              Even if I couldn't help you to solve the problem, I will help you to listen to them and lessen your burden.

              I will do my best to help you feel less frustrated.

             Even you feel that you are not closed to me to share your problems, you can pretend that you are closed to me at that moment to talk to me. I won't mind who are you and I will do anything to make you feel better.

             So,all my dear friends and family! Please do know that you have me as your family member or friend to count on.


            I am here for those of you need someone to care...


            

           Just send me a message or give me a call and I will be there....

What are the stories of their lives...?

             I have taken the public bus practically 6 to 8 times a week for more than one year, including all the way to and back from tuition and school. I've seen different kinds of people inside the bus. Sometimes I meet the same people on several occasions.

              Most of the time , I just get on the bus and just put on my music player and play games on my handphone. I don't really look around what is happening.

          One day, I was quite bored of the handphone game already. I was just listening to my music. I realised there was an Indian girl sitting opposite me talking on the phone. She had already been talking for quite long. She was around her 30's. She looked quite upset or something on the phone. It looked like she was arguing about something. I stopped my music player but it was too bad that I couldn't understand Tamil. She looked really frustrated and her eyes were full of tears but she managed to hold them back.

         I'm not really a busybody kind of person. But I'm just wondering, what had she been through? What is the story of her life?

         I saw an old man. He couldn't sit still. He kept changing places to sit and walked around the bus, he even squatted down on the floor. He seemed really uncomfortable. I think he was a drug addict. His face was really pale and his eyes were red. He was really suffering. Once again,I wondered, what has he been through? What is the story of his life?

         Then, I saw an old lady. I've met her before. She is still the same. She always goes around  begging for money. She tells people she needs money to buy food. Some people pity her and gave her RM1. Some just ignore her. Well,honestly,I ignore her.

        Last year, when I was having tuition classes in my tuition centre , there was an old lady near the tuition centre. She would sit there all day on a chair. Whenever people passed by, she would call them. I was the "lucky" ones. She called me.

      " Girl,  I am very hungry. I'm waiting for people to give me money so that I can buy food."

       I was confused. I was like "Huh? Who people? Give you what money?"

      "They will give me money in the late afternoon. Just RM1 to let me go and buy some food."

        Then it was cleared. "Oh, you are hungry?"

        Without any second thought, I took out my wallet and gave her RM1.

        "Is that enough?"

         "Oh, girl, you don't need to give me money."

        "Nono, it's okay, it's okay. Just take it and buy something to eat."

       I was feeling happy that day cause I thought I helped someone and did something good.

       A few weeks later, I met the old lady again. She was still sitting in the same place. She waved at me... again. I walked towards her.

      " Girl, can you read chinese? " then she handed me a piece of paper. It was just some lousy flyers.

      I was like... "urm...?"

     " Can you tell me what is this paper writing? I don't understand Chinese. This piece of paper is given by my daughter to me. It's a letter she wrote to me. Can you tell me what is she writing? I miss her so much. What is she writing? Does she miss me?"

        I went blank. Letter?  That was obviously a piece of flyer.

      " I'm very hungry now. Is she going to come back and give me money to eat?" she added.

      I was in the 'didn't - know - what - to - do' situation. So I lied to her that I didn't know how to read Chinese and I will take that piece of paper to my tuition teacher and ask her to translate. I afraid that I'd break her heart if I told her that it was just a piece of flyer.

      So, I quickly ran to the class and showed that piece of paper to my teacher. I told her the whole story.

      "I forgot to tell you." she said.

     "How dare she asked money from you. She has always been this way. She has been cheating many people. She always tells pitiful stories to make people feel sad for her and she will ask for money. Just ignore her. She is there all the time and tries to take advantage on people. We all ignore her."

       Wow, I was so mad at that moment. How could you take advantage on people with kind hearts?!!! I really wanted to scold her that time. But I managed to calm down because she was an elderly person. It would have been really rude if I scolded her. So I went back to her and gave that piece of paper back to her. I told her that I didn't know what the paper was all about. She then tried again to repeat the so called pitiful stories. I told her I didn't have time and I just walked away.

      My point is,it's not the RM1 that matters to me. I could give her RM10 if she was really someone who needed my help. But she wasn't. She was just cheating! How many RM1 has she collected from people all this while? What I'm trying to point out is how could people act this way? How could people take advantage of others and cheat them when they are trying to be nice and helpful? RM1 is not a big amount I know. But she has made me lost my trust in people. I felt hurt and disappointed.

      Well, back to the bus. That's the reason why I don't really donate money directly to people who asked for it. That is why I ignored the old lady that asked money from people in the bus. How do I know  that if I donate the money to her,she might end up enjoying herself with that money. Or she use the money to commit crimes such as taking drugs and so on.

       Once again, I wonder, what is the story of her life? What has she been through? Why does she need to ask money from people? I'm sorry I couldn't help you if you needed help. I've lost trust to people like you. You have arms and legs,why don't you go and work?

       Ladies and gentlemen, a perfect example describing people who take advantages on other kind people is Michael Jackson's case. Just so you know, Michael Jackson invited kids to play around in his Neverland ranch as he hoped those children would have a beautiful childhood because his childhood was bad. That sounds very kind,doesn't it? To cut a long story short, a few years ago,Michael received a call from a mother that her son was suffering from cancer. He wished that he could see Michael Jackson. Immediately, Michael invited the family to live with him in Neverland and he reassured her son that he would be okay. Thank or don't thank God, his son recovered. But few years later, the family sued Michael Jackson for molesting the kid. That is the summary of the story. For more information, click on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6C5S64tCRA

      I don't just make up stories of Michael Jackson. I didn't know Michael was so kind too until I watched the videos. These things are happening in reality. I really feel sorry for Michael and people out there who are facing similar problems.

      That is the reason why, I admire Nick Vijicic a lot. For those of you who don't know who he is, you can search about him on youtube. People with arms and legs are born perfectly could go and make up sympathy stories to cheat on others' money. Nick Vijicic is a guy with no arms and legs and yet he is able to give motivational talk to thousands and thousands of people and help inspire them,yet people with arms and legs are cheating others for themselves. What is happening to the world?

       Why are people acting this way? What happened to humans? Is the word "humanity" still available? Is the lastest version of dictonary gonna delete the word "humanity"? Why are human acting so inhumanely?  Every single day, we read about people whote are committing crimes : dumping babies, stealing, robbing, snatching, killing, raping,animal massacre and many more crimes. Innocent people are being killed for othersi selfishness. It's such ashame that even some animals like tigers and dogs protect their own babies and humans are throwing their babies to the toilet or dustbins?  Why are people acting worse than animals? What are the reasons they do this? What are the stories of their lives?  

          See this video and you will get what I mean by saying some animals are better than some humans!
        

         Amazing right? Thank God the dog was alive. That's what I'm talking about.

         God has given us a good chance to be a human in this life and yet some people play their role as an animal or couldn't even play the role as an animal.

         What has happened to the society? Why are people acting this way? What are the reasons behind these actions? I still believe in "Everything happens for a reason". So what are the reasons? Once again,I wonder, what have they been through? What are the stories of their lives that they have to do something like this....?

      
       For those of you who are being so kind, it's very nice of you. I just want you to know how ugly this world is and please take good care of yourself when you are being kind. Don't let yourself get hurt in the process of helping people. Please do know who you are helping. Help those who really need our help, not those who want to take advantage on us.


      And for those of you who are committing those crimes I mentioned shame on you and double SHAME on you if you don't change now.

       I will play my role as a human and I will play it to my fullest. I will help who SERIOUSLY need my help especially to my beloved ones in order to thank God for what God has given me.  

                                     Thank you God.

"I've got a news for you"

          "I've got a news for you" my mother said.

          "Your cousin is going to get married."

          "She's going to get married with a Scottish."

          I was very shocked. I thought I was dreaming. But I wasn't.

          The first thing on my mind was,

        " Who is that guy? "

        "Do I know him?"

         "Will he take care of her? If he doesn't,I will kill him!"

         My cousin,she's like an elder sister to me. I love her very much. She used to take care of me when I was a kid. She's very close to me.

       Tonight, I chatted with my cousin on MSN. I asked her about the wedding bells. She told me she was happy. He is a really caring guy. I feel very glad to hear that. If not,she wouldn't think of getting married. I'm very happy for my cousin.

          She said after next year Chinese New Year,she will go to United Kingdom with him. They will be living there. Suddenly, I feel kinda sad. I'm happy for her that she has found the guy. But I don't want her to leave us. She said after 4 years when my niece is 18,she will bring her and my aunty there too.

           I feel kinda sad. I will miss them very much. They are my God family. I used to live with them. Now they are leaving me?

          I have a lot of memories with my God family. The days when I was in their house. All the memories come back to my head. The days when my cousin brought me out to play. My cousin bought an ice cream for me. My cousin helped me on my homework. I spent my childhood there. It was great. I hope I can go back to that time. Wow. I really gonna miss her a lot.

           Somehow,the good news is, I get to go for a wedding dinner ! It's like my big sister's wedding. I need to dress up nicely! I can't wait to attend the wedding :)

             And I discussed with my cousin,we might be going to Genting Highland together this year end. I really look forward to that. I can't wait to spend time together with them.

          They are my second family. I grew up together with them. They are part of me. I just cannot imagine how is my life when they are in another country.

           Well,maybe 4 years later, I can go there for a holiday with them. I am old enough then.

         There are a lot of things in my mind now. How are their babies like? I'm gonna have a eurasian niece or nephew? Wow,that's so cool. The babies are going to be beautiful. Most of the eurasian babies are beautiful.

          On the other hand,I am worried of my niece. How is she taking the news? I hope she is not sad. I tried to convince her,telling her that she should be happy for her mother. I know she loves her mother very much. She misses her mother everyday. Her mother loves her a lot too. Well, time will heal everything. I hope she can accept him. She is my first niece. I care her a lot. I hope she is happy. I hope he can give happiness to my beloved family. I look forward to know him. He will be part of my family. Wow.

          Last but not least, I'd like to congrate my beloved cousin that she's going to get married. I'm really happy for you. I will miss you a lot. I hope you are happy. God bless you and family.

Life....

Life...What about it?

         Some say we should thank God for what we have. That's the truth I think. I’m pretty sure everyone of who is reading this blog is lucky.

         One day, we might get very sad and down or frustrated when things don't go right.

        Spill your coffee on your shirt while you're having your breakfast.

        Couldn't find one of your shoes when you're heading to work/school.

        Got scolded by your parents for sitting in front of the computer too much.

        Got scolded by your teachers for not doing homework.

        Lost your handphone.

        Broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

        Internet server down and you couldn't log on to facebook.

        Having a bad relationship with your friends.

        Someone accuses you of something.

       All these things really make you feeling down. Or you have an even more serious situation where you don't know what to do. You feel like screaming out loud, going crazy or just feel like killing someone.

      By that time, you should relax, calm down, and think positively. Because all of us know, by being angry, you wouldn't help any of the problems but you’ll make them worse.

      I just want everyone to know how lucky we are to have everything.

      ‘When you have nothing, you appreciate everything.’

      There is also a saying in Islam which means:

      ‘Wealth does not come from abundance of goods but from a contented heart.’

       There are many people suffering out there when we are thinking that we are the unluckiest people on earth. When you are reading this blog, there might be people out there dying from hunger, got into a really terrible car crash or even got killed or just anything.

      Please believe that things happen for a reason.  We might not know the reasons yet. Today, I might face the worst day ever. Crying over it or being really mad about it won't help me solve the problem.

      I got this saying from my teacher Lutfur; "When you're mad, you’re burning yourself inside and you're burning others outside"

     I think that is true.

      And remember, don't cry over someone who isn’t worth it. People that are worth crying over won't make you cry. So, if someone breaks your heart, be strong and get over it. Don't let some jerks make you feel down. They aren’t worth it.

      Love yourself and don't hurt yourself.

      I'd like to show you all the people who are really unlucky.

       That is a baby suffering from Harlequin Ichthyosis. Sad right? It's sad to see but have you really imagined what it would be like if you are the baby? Or the mother of the baby?

      That is just one of the people who are suffering. There are still thousands and thousands of cases which we don't know of. That is why I say we are lucky enough.

      So, please, there are many people who are facing more problems than we do. Some people don't even know where their next meal will be coming from, are they going to die or what?

     The problems we are facing are just minor problems compared to theirs. Don't make yourself unhappy over some really small matters.

     Don't think of yourself as a failure. None of us are failures. God created us for reasons. We just need to know what we are meant to be and achieve our goals.

     No-one avoids facing any problems in their lives. What matters is how you solve these problems.

     I admit that I do feel sad or unhappy if something bad happens to me. We are human and we have feelings.

     But, when we fall, what matters is whether we are strong enough to get up. Some people fall down and never get up. So they end up lying on the floor, never being able to continue their walk. They can't get over the past and so they can't go on with the future.

     Confucius said: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

     Why don't we just take a rest when we fall, and get up again and continue our long journey?

     Sure, we do have times when we are sad, but we have to get over it.

     When bad things happen, it's not the end of the world yet. That is just part of life.

     Finally, I'd like to show you all a very meaningful video clip.

     Enjoy!