I want this moment to be a very productive moment. I want to live it to the fullest. I want to do a lot of things.
First,I went for a camp. It was a Buddhist Children Camp. We were supposed to take care of around 150 little children. It was on Thursday,the day after my STPM. I thought I might want to do something meaningful and I wanted to be helpful,so I joined the camp. Plus,I've never joined any camp before. I thought this might be a good experience.
Thursday,when I just went to the camp, it wasn't like how I was expected.
Seriously,the camp was too strict. They were going to take away our handphones as they say no handphones are allowed. Some members there told me,if they realised anyone didn't hand up their handphone,there will be a spot check for everyone.
I was like,are you kidding me? I'm just finished my strict life in school. Now you're telling me I'm going to live this kind of life..AGAIN?
That was not all. I felt very uncomfortable there. So,I called my mother and asked her to fetch me back earlier,I couldn't live this kind of life. It was too strict. I thought if I felt uncomfortable,why should I continue it? I wanted to enjoy in this camp,but I couldn't. What's the point of continuing it?
Actually,some of the talks are nice. I learned something too. The Shi Fu there taught some meaningful lessons. It was quite nice. But most of the time I wasn't feeling good. Plus, it was too tiring.
But,deep inside my heart, I felt very guilty. I was the one who said that I'd want to help out in the camp. But I was the one to quit the camp earlier too. I know I am being irresponsible. I felt to guilty for them. Also for my friend Monique too,cause I couldn't accompany her till the last day of the camp. I was the one who asked her if she was interested to go for the camp and she went with me. But I left her there alone.
I'm so sorry to everyone of you. I just couldn't continue it.
We did a lot of prayer there. We prayed to Buddha all the time for hours. When ones is praying,he or she should concentrate on it and fully believe in it. But deep inside my heart, I couldn't concentrate,cause I was doubting about myself, do I believe in this? I know I didn't totally believe in it. I am sorry. So, it is meaningless to pray if you do not believe in it.
I am still finding the religion that I could totally believe in it. I believe there is God. But,who is God? Is it Jehovah who sent Jesus to save us? Or is it Buddha who figured out about live,old,sick,death(in chinese)? Or who is it? It's still remain a doubt in my heart. I will continue to figure it out.
Once again,I'm sorry that I quit earlier in the camp.
its ok my dear,.. Its really strict there.. But thats the 1st 2 days.. but after that.. thats really enjoyable.. I like this camp very much although is tiring..
ReplyDeleteThank you dear Monique!!!
ReplyDeletesherri i would like to read about God in Islam and his Messenger to the world, i want to ask your self why islam most fast religion spread in the world, read about his massenger how he is spread the words of God that called (Quran) and how was his life,im pretty sure you will find the doubt in your heart.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rasoulallah.net/v2/index.aspx?lang=en
http://www.islamtomorrow.com/
...
http://www.whatsislam.com/
http://www.beautifulislam.net/index.shtml
http://www.huda.tv/default_web.html
http://www.way2allah.com/modules.php?name=live
http://www.way2allah.com/english/
http://www.tvquran.com/en/
www.rasoulallah.net
I know its alot of read im very sure you will enjoy readin it but when you readin it i want you to read it in a logic way, i want you to think why his Prophet doing this,what's his goal, why his Companions follow him, how did they believe in him,there is so many question you will ask your self if you will readin it and in sha allah you will find the answers.
Good luck,enjoy reading, God bless you.
sorry for writting alot ^_^
hey sherri how are you? i just read what are you saying? i would like to give you some sites that tell you who is God? and his Prophets, and about Islam?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rasoulallah.net/v2/index.aspx?lang=ch
http://www.rasoulallah.net/v2/index.aspx?lang=en
http://www.islamtomorrow.com/
...
http://www.whatsislam.com/
http://www.beautifulislam.net/index.shtml
http://www.huda.tv/default_web.html
http://www.way2allah.com/modules.php?name=live
http://www.way2allah.com/english/
http://www.tvquran.com/en/
www.rasoulallah.net
i hope to readin it and im pretty sure you will find the doubt in your heart.just readin it in thinking way and logical way such as, why his Prophet doing this?, why he live as a poor person may he can ask God to be rich?, why the Prophet's Companions loving him, protect him, they will even Sacrifices themself for him(Mohmmed), why they beleive in him? and so many question you will find the answers for the question in the sites or you can search for them by your self in your language. just use your brain, ask Asriyah about it, and in sha allah you will find it.by the way Jesus he is one of prophets before the last one that he mention in Quran(the wards of Allah(God)), about Buddha i dont know anything about him but iknow stories of prophets do the same as they do to Buddha.just read about all the prophets in Islam specially the last one and the final one his name is (Mohammed).
im sorry to write too long.
i hope to reading for the sites,enjoy the reading, God bless you.
if you need help about anything that i said just ask me plz dont be shy feel free and in sha Allah i will help.thank you for read it ^_^