Homesick...

           I have to admit. I am not feeling so good lately. I've had this feelings since I came back to UPM last week. I knew I should be thankful for everything. I've been ignoring my sad feelings and trying to be positive since last week.


           But I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't pretend. I'm only human. I miss my home very much. I know everyone here has to go through the same thing. But I think of my family every single moment.


           I do not know why is this happening to me. It's the second semester already. I should be strong now. I know there are some students from Sabah or Sarawak are much less fortunate than me cause they couldn't even go back for the one week Chinese New Year break. 


          But right now I am so weak.


           I miss every single one,family, relatives and even my dogs. I wanted to go back during weekends. But my  mother asked me not to. As it's a long 6-hour-trip and I could just stay for a few days. No point going back. She is right.


          I do not know what to do. All I can do is to pray for me to be strong.


          One of the reasons I miss my family so much because I have the greatest family members ever. I love them very much. I've never realized that until I left home. They all are very nice to me. They are the greatest assets that God has given me. Like I said before, I'm not rich to have a big bungalow or drive a Porche, but I'm rich for the loving family that I have.


         I miss the moment we go out and drink coffee together.


         I miss the moment we have delicious dinners together.


         I miss the moment I sleep with my nieces, hug them, and kiss them.


          I miss the moment I overnight at my cousin's house.


          I miss the every single moment.


        


           I have a very special father. I have a very special relationship with him. For those who have seen the way I treated my father you will know what I mean.


          Most of my friends or relatives do not treat their fathers like the way I do.


          I always talk to my father rudely,scold him and even hit him. But all of these are in joking manner. Although I treat him that way, but in my heart, I respect him and love him. I'm concern about him a lot.


         All my relatives know our special father and daughter relationship. For a far-distant relative who come and visit us once in a while was shocked to see the way I talk to my father. She advised me to be nice to my father.


          My mother was there to reply :" Let them be, they are always like that. The father enjoys the daughter being rude to him."


         People might think that I'm a bad daughter. But as long as I know I am not, it's okay. Hahaha.


          My father has treated me very nicely since I was young. In other word, spoiled me.When my mother was there to scold me or punish me for doing something wrong, he will be there to comfort me, buy my stuff when I cry. He had never scolded me, unless for some times I was being too much. When my father gets mad and scolds me, I know I would know I am wrong. But this happens rarely.


          He is always there to joke with my crazily since I was young, tease me and give me all kinds of nicknames. He likes to make me scold him and hit him.


        Our way of communicating since I was young was, he would talk jokingly or crazily to me, and I would then shout and scold him.


        This sounds like I'm really a bad and disobedient daughter, but that is really the way our relationships is. He enjoys me shouting at him. Whenever I scold or being rude to him, he will smile and tease me more.


         Though I'm so old and big in size now, I would go and lie beside him on a same sofa just to make him feel uncomfortable. He is a very thin man. And everytime I do so, he would say :"Go away, go away, you want to kill me is it? Just like Smarties (our big dog at home) lying on Snoopy (our small dog at home). Snoopy will die!"


         Hahahaa, what a crazy father I have. I miss him so much.




          I really miss everyone in my family. I miss my youngest niece too. She's very cute. I used to feed her and bathe her. When I go for a sleepover at my cousin's house, we sleep together. Before sleeping, she would asked me to prepare milk for her. I would ask her to kiss me, and then I will make it. I feel I'm lucky when her small lips touch my cheek.


         In the morning, she would wake up early, and keep calling me, and ask me to bring her go swimming. She likes swimming. She is very excited when she wakes up, and keep trying to wake me up. Well, lazy me couldn't wake up early. But to see her exciting face, I couldn't let her down, I would wake up, and go swimming with her and her sister.




          How I miss all of my family so much. I can't wait to go back on semester break. 81 days to go. 


          I need to be strong, and do what I'm supposed to do. 


          Oh well, at least I have blogspot to express my feelings. :)

          May God help me to stay strong...

He was looking at the computer -.-