I've slept too much earlier. That is why I'm not sleeping tonight.
When I had a sleepless night in Penang, I would stay online at night and wait for my mom to get up, so that we could have breakfast together.
Right now I'm so hungry as the last meal I had just now was like 11 hours ago. I want to have breakfast with my mom like we were in Penang. But I couldn't.
I was terribly homesick few weeks ago. I just couldn't accept a single thing here. Every thing was wrong back then. Academics, personal life, the environment, friends. I just wanted to pack my bag and go back. Too many bad things happened to me that time. I couldn't cope with it. I was thinking how great my life would be if I'm home.
I talked to my mom and I told her I want to try to transfer to USM. She asked me why, she suggested that idea to me before last semester. I didn't accept it as I thought although the life here is difficult I should go on. But when I talked to her, I couldn't take the life there any longer. She knew something was wrong. She kept asking me why would I want to transfer back all of a sudden. I couldn't hold it any longer. I cried. She was surprised and kept asking me what is wrong.
"Everything was wrong. I don't belong here!" I said, sobbing.
She told me this is part of life, we have to go through it. We face difficulties in life. I know all of that.
"You can come back home if you want. If you really think you cannot do it, you can just come back and study college here...."
After those words from my mom, I felt even sadder. How much my parents love me? And how much have I disappointed them? I didn't want my mom to be worried about me, and what have I done? I felt so regret to cry to her, and now she's so worried about me. What a useless daughter am I.
I collapsed during those few days. Everything was just wrong. I prayed hard to God. I ask Him to show me the way. Was I walking in the wrong path? I felt like giving up. I couldn't do it anymore. Why is every thing just didn't go the way it's supposed to be?
I know my mom's dream is to see me going to local University. I knew she was very happy when she knew I got into UPM. I was happy too actually, until the day I really came here.
During that weekend I went back home. I had great time with my family, my most valuable asset. My family was very supportive. I was very touched. I dyed my hair red. Very red indeed. I wanted to have a make over, as a symbol of a new beginning.
"The Law of Attraction" -- I am not sure if I believe in it or not but I have to attract good things to me.
Thank God, things were getting better when I came back from Penang. I was very touched, Most of my problems seems to have solved. Not all of it, but most of it. =)
I shouldn't be so weak. I have to be strong. I cannot give up. I cannot let my parents down. I know. I hope this situation doesn't happen twice.
I'm sure everyone knows about the the tsunami and earthquake happening in Japan. I feel terribly sad for them. Let us pray for them. And I know my situation is nothing compared to them. I shouldn't be such a failure to cry over for such minor things. People are suffering all over the world, and I was living with food and water and yet I was sad. Oh well, I'm just human, but I have to be strong seriously.
But I have something on my mind, why are we praying for people AFTER something bad had happen to them? Don't get me wrong, of course praying for them is good.
Bad things are happening around the world. The moment I'm writing this or the moment you are reading this, a baby might be dying, a man is taking drugs, a child is lost, a wife is being abused, a dog is being tortured, kids lost their beloved parents, a teenager is running away from home... Their lives count too..
I see the invitations and programs on Facebook like "pray for Japan" and all that. Yes, we should pray for them. But not only when they face tragedies, it is better to pray for world peace before the tragedies and also when the tragedies are happening, and pray for thankfulness after the tragedies end.
Of course we pray for them, but still, don't forget about people who are suffering in other countries.
Well, this is my opinion.
The world is in a huge mess right now.
Well, this is my opinion.
The world is in a huge mess right now.
May God :
Give hope to the hopeless,
Give faith to the faithless,
Give food to the hunger,
Give shelter to the homeless,
Give comfort to the pain,
Give an END to the suffering,
Give tissue to wipe away their tears,
May God bless all of us ♥
May all of this end right now.
World peace!!!
